Across the Stars (Loki X Reader)

Lost Again

(Warning this chapter does go into sensitive subjects such as self-harm, suicidal thoughts and eating disorder. If you don't want to read, please move on to the next chapter.)

Waking up after a night like that was hell. I walked, got dressed, drank coffee, and then made my way to the platform. We were being called on to test out jumps on the highest platform. They wanted to check that we had good form before putting us in planes the next day.

My jumps were fine, but the world became a blur of camo and flesh colored skin. Jump, roll, get up, get in line. My mind drifted between jumps. He claimed to have loved me but that was a lie. He wished me dead and surely jumping out of planes was a good enough way. I shook my head and tried to clear out those thoughts, but they kept slipping in. I looked at my teammates who started to look the way I felt. Their hope and glint of hope in their eyes were gone. They were like hollow people who walked like plastic soldiers.

The call went out to signal the end of drills. Tomorrow was planes and eventually the Halo Jump. My roommate, Jordan caught up and asked if I was heading to dinner. I shook my head and said I was heading back to the room.

I practically melted into the mattress but knew I needed to get ready for tonight. My stomach growled and I grabbed a slice of bread. After a shower and changing, I closed my eyes and felt the familiar pull. Soon I was standing in a garden with Frigg. She smiled and then squinted her eyes at me.

"Something is wrong, what is it?" she asked sounding exactly the way Laura had when she met me years ago.

"Just a busy day with jumps" I smiled hoping she would buy it.

"I raised the God of Lies and Mischief, you will have to do better than that. I can read you and there is something terribly wrong. If you don't want to talk about it, give me your hand" she said stretching my hand to her perfect hand.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in. A few moments of silence past and she let out a sigh. "My dear, I am so sorry. I am not a stranger to these forms of control, but I think it be best to feed you mind, spirit, and body. As for you scars, those are instruments that you need for other things besides a blade. Loki was the same way. He tried to control everything but the more he tried the more he lost. Promise me that if I show you magic and help you, that you will talk to me about your feelings and struggles. I don't want to lose another child to madness that over control brings."

"I promise that I will try to open up especially when I feel like this." I said with a gentle smile. That was all I could do.

"First lesson will be to create a monster to befriend. That way you have someone to talk to in the nights that you need someone. Lesson two will be control so you don't affect the people around you."

I nod and set my feet shoulder with apart. "Relax dear and reach out, you can do it."

I reach out and felt the energy like the pull of she used to get me here. I reached out and pushed further finding something familiar. "That's good pull something you know and bring it here to you. That's it good, nothing from Midgard, something you feel safe with and are comfortable opening to."

Soon he was there, and I fell back with him on top of me. My blue man standing tall and bright blue with red eyes that could have killed anyone with a glance. A long spear in his hand that had a tip that looked like pure glass.

"Mother, why am I here?" He growled.

Frigg on the other hand was laughing uncontrollably. "You would pick him." She said shaking her head.

"You said anything not from Earth and he is the only person or thing I could think of. How do I send him back?"

"What do you mean?" he hissed

"I am teaching her to find a listening source and control. Apparently, you are comforting to her."

"What about me looks comforting? I am not a mother nor friend." He snarled staring into my eyes. "Try teaching something with clay creation. I will get myself back to Jotunheim and mother please leave me out of your teachings." And with one last dangerous and angry stare he disappeared in gold and green sparks.

"Well, he was grumpy but maybe clay will be better for you but that will take some time to learn. You might get to do that in a few more lessons but let's try control for now."

It wasn't long before I got some handle on it. It made my hands shake and was exhausting but finally I got it. My little clay figure grew and stood like a little doll. Not like one found in the stores, more like a large Dammit Doll, mixed with the voodoo dolls from New Orleans. Its head didn't match though. Frigg made me change it because it would potentially make the dolls on the planet possess some magic, which would be fine but voodoo dolls that actually killed the person they resembled was probably not the best idea. I stole an idea from O'Keeffe's paintings, and stole the skull from her paintings. My poor little doll stood, and I looked up to her.

"Add these signs into the clay and whisper Vinur lífið ", I nodded my head and worked the symbols into the clay and whispered to my little doll. She stood there amused as my little doll came to life. It stumbled and swayed but eventually walked to me and came to hold my hand, eyesockets looked to me.