I Loved You Before I Met You

75

   I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of Lauren's fingers combing through my hair. It's so relaxing and I could literally go to sleep. A question comes to my mind that I have been wanting to ask for a few days but haven't. I have to disturb our peaceful bubble and just thinking about it makes me nervous. I take a deep breath and hesitantly let it out trying to calm myself for the question I want to ask.

"Can I ask you a serious question?" Lauren laughs as she is running her fingers through my hair. "It must be some question for you to ask if you can ask me but yes, you can."

"Umm... would you... I mean do you... ever want to... get married again? I've been wondering if you saw that type of future for... us." I swallow hard because I'm kind of scared of her answer. I know Mike messed her up so she might not ever want to get married again or she might not want to marry me.

Lauren stops her fingers in my hair. I feel her heart beat faster in her chest. "I-I... I would, I just..." she trails off. "Because I would love to marry you." I easily admit as I continue rubbing on her stomach. Before Lauren can say anything I ask another question. "Do you remember earlier how you said that you were planning on starting a family before everything that happened? Do you still want to have kids?"

Lauren shifts a little before answering. "I would love to have kids, that was one thing I really wanted but now I'm scared that by the time I might be able to, I will be to old and I don't know..." she lets the sentence trail off too.

I move off of Lauren's chest so I am laying beside her and can see her face. As my fingers are still rubbing circles on her stomach I lean in and gently kiss her cheek. "You would be very sexy with a baby bump." Lauren slightly laughs "oh, is that so?" I nod my head while grinning at her. "I would love to have babies with you." I say as I hook my fingers with hers. "I mean it too. I want my forever with you Lauren. I want to marry you and have kids with you. I want us to have a family."

"Really?" Lauren asks with uncertainty in her voice and raised eyebrows while looking at me. "Yes," I simply answer and see her cheeks turn red. "I think... I would really like that. She says as she snuggles into my chest and places a soft lingering kiss on my neck.

I love this moment we are having but I have another question that's been on my mind since this morning and I have to ask. I just don't want Lauren to get all upset and get in her head again thinking bad things.

I kiss the side of her head. "Lauren I have something else I need to ask you and I need you to be honest with me." She lifts her head to look at me with furrowed brows. "Why did you think I would be upset with you this morning after you basically jumped me then stopped suddenly? I mean I was a little disappointed but definitely not upset. I knew we needed to stop because we were not in the right place for that."

Lauren sighs then looks away. I put two fingers under her chin turning her head back towards me. "Talk to me, please." I lean in and peck her lips.

"I thought you would be angry at me for doing that." She says honestly and I see her eyes glossing over. "It's okay to make out and it not lead to sex, you know that right." She starts shaking her head "it's never been okay to make out and not have sex. At least for me it hasn't."

I just look at Lauren for a few seconds trying to make sense of what she said. "What do you mean Lauren?" I ask as I caress her cheek. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath then lets it out. "I... I was always expected to... have sex or pleasure him if we started making out."

I squint my eyes while staring at her. "Do you mean... Mike?" A tear rolls down her cheek and she tries to wipe it before I see it but it's too late. I wipe the tear away instead and leave my hand there gently caressing her check.

"Yes, Kyler your father." I close my eyes and sigh "what did he do Lauren? Did he ever hurt you?" She shakes her head as another tear escapes her eyes. "Not physically, well except one time after you moved in, he... he held my wrists too tight trying to, you know. He would sometimes yell and threaten me by saying if I didn't please him that I wouldn't like what happened." I sigh loudly as I run my hand over my face.

"That's why you wore long sleeves for nearly a week wasn't it? I heard y'all arguing that night. If I would have known that was happening I would have came in there and beat the shit out of him." Lauren shakes her head "it wasn't your place Kyler."

I shake my head "I don't care. Is that why your dad doesn't like Mike and why stay with him?" I finally ask.

Shaking her head, Lauren's says "god no, I would have never talked to them about that. Mike was my first. We met when I was 20 and got married when I turned 21. My dad just never liked Mike. I thought he loved me and... I thought I loved him. At first, I was so in love with him. He has a way of sweeping you off your feet."

I pull Lauren's face close to mine and gently kiss her. "I will never make you have sex, or just please me or force myself on you." I kiss her again. "Making out is fun. It gives you something to look forward too." Lauren smiles and says "thank you Kyler."

Lauren and I snuggle into each other. "Let's get some rest babe." I say as I kiss her forehead. "Yes, we have a big day tomorrow." She says with a yawn. "Goodnight beautiful and I love you." I whisper as I kiss her lips. "I love you and goodnight" she whispers and closes her eyes.

I know I prob will not get much sleep. I'm excited for tomorrow and a little nervous at the same time. Excited to graduate but nervous about my plan.

Thinking of our future I smile as I can picture us in 10 or 20 years. Laying in bed together and falling asleep in each other's loving arms. Maybe one or two kids asleep in their rooms. I cannot wait for a future with Lauren.

Thinking of everything Lauren and I just talked about keeps running through my mind. All that with my Mike pisses me off. This woman laying beside me should be cherished and loved. Which is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Looking at her already asleep I carefully kiss her cheek making sure not to wake her. She is perfect and so precious even when she sleeps.

I lay awake I couldn't tell you for how long with all these different thoughts still running through my mind. No matter how many times I close my eyes I just can't go to sleep. As creepy as it sounds, I lay here for a while just starting at Lauren. I study her, taking in every feature of her beautiful face, memorizing every little detail.

My eyes travel to her exposed smooth neck. I watch as I can see her pulse and I can't help but lick my lips. I want to kiss and suck all over her gorgeous neck. I giggle to myself as I picture what her reaction would be if I did that. Finally, I lift my head up, careful not to disturb her and gaze at the clock. It's 5:45 a.m. and I haven't slept at all. Laying my head back down, Lauren drapes an arm over me, pulling me into her. I barely hear "go to sleep babe." I smile then close my eyes as I finally feel sleep taking me over.