Dumb Decisions (Resse AU)

Part 6

~Jesse's perspective~

There he is again. Standing in front of my door, as if it's normal, as if it's a habit. But it still feels special, it still makes my heart beat faster. I hope I never grow tired of his presence. And now he's sitting on my couch as I hand him a cup of tea, his scent filling my nose, his laughter filling my ears and his beauty filling my eyes. I feel myself get more comfortable as I sit down next to him, his legs curled up against the back of the couch, his eyes following me as I hit the pillows. I can't explain why, but the way he holds his cup- I can't stop staring at it. It's not that special: He just holds the handle, his thumb placed on the place where he will drink and his other hand is just holding the cup. But it makes me feel something. 

"So, how was your day?"

I get snapped back into reality by his voice. I take a sip as I look him in the eye.

"I-ahh that's hot" the tea almost spills as I try to cool my tongue down. His tea almost spills because he's chuckling. It's a cute chuckle-

"It's not that funny."

"Well it- ouch!" a little bit of tea spilled on his hand. He puts down his cup as he shakes his hand.

"Karma."

"Oh boohoo. But what happened today?"

"Well I watched the debate."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Uhh- yes. You were really-uh- good."

"Why, thank you."

Is he blushing?

"But I-uhh-" God how do I put this? Now that I see him sitting in front of me I don't want to let him down. Maybe he was counting on me to come back. Don't be stupid, why would he be? His eyes penetrate mine. God just say it, quick, like a band-aid. He needs to understand that you need time.

So I do exactly that- "Idon'tthinkI'mreadytogetbacktowork"

"What?"

"I-I- I don't think I'm ready to get back to... work. I think I need more time."

"That's okay... may I know why?"

Shit, what do I say now?

"I don't know why, but when I think about...." a cold feeling strikes me. I feel panic coming up. Oh no, calm down. "When I think about work-" I try to say it louder to suppress the feeling "-I just get... overwhelmed?"

"Okay, okay. That's normal. Do you need anything?"

"I don't know. I just think I need time. I need to figure it out."

"Should I leave then?"

"NO! Uhm- I mean no... I don't want to be by myself."

"Okay, then I'll stay. Do you want to do anything?"

"Don't you need to do stuff for work."