Dumb Decisions (Resse AU)

Part 22

I'm literally writing this while being in the Hague. Like in the center. I'm sitting on a bench and someone's smoking weed. ✨culture✨

~Rob's perspective~

I don't think I've ever not told my partner something I did. But admitting that I went through someone's letters did not feel right. And doing something I can't tell my partner again? Never.

Yet here I am, standing in front of the closet, again. My hand is resting on the key. But the three words kept running through my words. I love you. Do I wanna know who he told before? What if I ruin it? Maybe it was just his mom or maybe he found his dad? And this is very personal information...

My fingers follow the streaks of paint on the door, only to land on the key again. Just turn it around, open it. My eyes wander to the top of the door, as if they're trying to look through the solid wood, through the bewitching box, trying to read past the already read words to find new truths. My muscles tighten and the key begins to turn....

I suddenly hear a sound in the room I left. I'm standing in front of the bathroom door when he opens the door.

"There you are!" He's just a shadow, barely contrasting against the dark background. But I can imagine his face right now. The eyelids that make way for his pupils, allowing more light to hit his eyes. The corners of his mouth slightly rising while talking. The apples of his cheeks becoming more round. I can't bare thinking about how quickly that would disappear if I told the truth.

"Yeah... I just... thirsty." absolutely. If I could roll my eyes at myself I would. What a great excuse! He would never see through that!

"I bet you are." I can barely see his smile in the dark, but I hear it clearly in his voice. How quick that smile would flee if he would hear the real reason. I hear the floorboards creek and pray he won't see the door that's slightly open.

He grabs my hand and walks to the kitchen. Can't he feel my sweaty palms? Can't he hear my beating heart? Doesn't he notice how heavy I'm breathing? Or does he know I was in his room? Is he putting me through this to find out if I will tell the truth? He flicks on a small light, but I still flinch at it's brightness. He smiles at me.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you..." he lets go of my hand. Does he see through my fake smile? Or does he have no clue? Is he hiding how much he really knows? Or does he really want to take care of me?

"Water from the fridge is cooler and tastes nicer." A glass that already has condense on it appears in front of me, his sweet smiling face behind it. How did I lie to that face?

"Thank you." The water does smooth out my dry throat. Water has never tasted better.

"And if you're still thirsty, I'm right here." I choke on my water. His laugh is still a bit raspy. Butterflies flutter through my stomach as I watch him get closer.

"You're so adorable, you know that?" A blush creeps up. I drink the entire glass in one time in an attempt to extinguish the fire burning through my body. But he touches me and it just gets hotter. The mysterious box leaves my head pretty soon after.

~Jesse's perspective~

"I'll see you..." I pull him closer and straighten out his jacket "...in two hours..." I fix his hair "..at work." I finish it off with a kiss.
His smile is priceless.

"I'll see you then."

"Have fun with your other boyfriend!"

"Oh, shut it."

"Would you rather have me calling you out on your vainness?"

"Taking care of yourself is not vain!"

"I take way better care of you."

He smiled and gives me a kiss.

"Well, then two people take good care of me!"

"So you DO have another boyfriend!"

He rolls his eyes. If he just stayed a little longer...

"Come on, you'll be late."

My heart aches when the door closes. I won't see him here for another week. The constant yearning while seeing him at work wasn't going to be rewarded for a week. I guess children are also rewarding. And seeing her.

I shut down the thought. The kitchen greets me with a big mess. We didn't clean up dinner yesterday and Rob left right after breakfast. Time to do some house cleaning before work I guess.

*ding*. A message pops up.

"Children are at school, they're your problem now!"

I smile.

"Are you gonna say this every time?"

"You'll have to find out :)"

Goddammit I both hate and love that woman.

"Can't wait. Bit rude to call your children a problem though..."

"They take after their father."

"Rude."

"Gotta go, see you next week!"

"Bye-" Do I put an exclamation point as well? No, that's too enthusiastic. And I got to show I'm not interested or excited. And I definitely am not interested or excited. Definitely not.

I hit send.

~Rob's perspective~

Lies. I lied to him. I did not tell the truth. To HIM. There's no possible way I did that. But I did. I can't believe I did that. I never did that. I feel sweat dripping in my shirt. I'm desperate for water. Why is this such a big deal for me?

I park my bike against the wall and run upstairs. The key shakes, having a hard time fitting into the lock. Okay deep breath... They slide in and I almost fall trying to get into my 'house'. A glass of water does not provide the peace and clarity I was searching for. More water. 

As the water trickles down my back I feel my heart rate slow down a little bit. I still feel awful. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. It's not that big of a deal. So I kinda dug around in his closet and left when I found something personal. And I didn't end up going back in. And then I told a little white lie. So what? People do it all the time.

But I don't. And especially to people I love. Things had been going so great between us. We told each other we love each other for God's sake! And I meant those words truthfully. But telling a lie wouldn't cause this reaction, right?

Maybe it's something else? Maybe I'm more scared of what I'll find out if I read the letters. I feel like I'm exhibiting self destructive behavior. Am I trying to ruin this relationship? Why do I keep trying to find a way for him to not love me? Why can't I just enjoy what I have?

I stay in the shower for longer than I should. Fortunately I'll still have enough time to get dressed. When my side part is as straight as society wants me to be I still have enough time to look over some notes.

But as soon as I grab my bag for my notes the doorbell rings. I check my appearance in the mirror next to the door, wondering who would show up at my door at this time.

"Hey."

An all too familiar shock runs through my body as I look into the familiar blue eyes. My heart stops as I take in the man in front of me.