Dumb Decisions (Resse AU)

Part 20

Besties I'm so busy and I don't even know why. I literally have no school. Anyway I had a bit of a writer's block about what to do after this chapter so I just kinda... got scared? But I'm back on track with some ✨drama✨!!

Anyway this chapter is gonna be kinda wholesome and I cry in a good way because of the fucking CUTENESS OH MY GOD. And I wrote it and read it like 190283 times so yeah. Anyway enjoy!

~Rob's perspective~

I told him. I told him he still had feelings. And now I had seen it, in his eyes. It was always in the eyes. As were the tears in mine, looking at his name disappearing from my screen again. I curl up underneath my blanket, still smelling some of his scent on the other side, making me cry even more. I feel my heart ripping out, again and again.

I told him over and over again that it was too fast, that we should've waited. I told him he wasn't ready, and I knew I wasn't ready to get my heart ripped out, again. Sjoerd's words keep ringing through my ears.

"I've fallen out of love. I'm sorry. I should've ended it when I felt it. But when I saw him looking at you, I got jealous, I wanted to have you. Not for me, but just so he wouldn't get you. That's not healthy..."

"But he doesn't like me! And I don't like him!"

I said it so confidently, as if I truly meant it. I wish I meant it.

"And you also don't love me, not anymore."

"No, I do!"

"Show it! Don't talk to him!"

"Oh come on, I can't even talk to him?"

"You can, but not with me around."

"Sjoerd...."

"Bye Rob."

My heart rips again as I remember the slam of the door. Why can't I keep them around? How do they fall out of love around me? What's wrong with me?

I wish I had somebody here who I could talk to. I could call somebody, but it was a work day and Jesse kept calling me, which would be annoying. I would also have to explain the whole situation, and they wouldn't be here physically. The two people I could talk to in moments like this are the reason of this moment. 

The sun is already setting, golden rays coming through the shitty curtains of my so called home. It feels empty without him. I could call this place home when his amazing cooking filled the house with interesting scents, when my bed felt his warmth, when you could hear him humming while doing mundane tasks. Now the space feels like an empty shell, a constant memory of his absence. 

I turn around and move a bit to the other side. My clogged nose makes it difficult, but I can still smell him. It calms me a bit, even though I can only think about how this is going to be the last time I smell him in my bed. 

We should've waited. We both knew we still loved the ones who left us. If we truly loved each other, we would've waited until we were ready to move on. Did we use each other as a rebound? I remember his pleading eyes that first time, the fire that raced through me as I felt his lips against mine, the lust that left me shaking as I felt his kisses going down. We both waited for so long, and it still wasn't enough.