Dumb Decisions (Resse AU)

Part 8

~Jesse's perspective~

I wake up to the sound of a heart beat... against my cheek? I open my eyes and see his peaceful face, his arms wrapped around me. Oh my god. I look at the clock on the night stand. 7:30. Should I go back to sleep? I kind of just want to keep resting my head onto his chest, hearing his soft heart beat. *Dook-a-dook, dook-a-dook*... So peaceful, so calming, so... comforting. *dook-a-dook, dook-a-dook* I'm actually not tired for the first time in months. I remember feeling like this when I first woke up with Jolein on my chest. She must have also felt my heartbeat when she woke up... I look up at Rob's face. A ray of sun makes his skin glow softly. The kind of glow that doesn't come from any cosmetic products, just the beauty inside being reflected to the outside world, as if a mix of diamond and gold is underneath your skin, trying to shine through. I should really get better curtains for this room. Did Jolein ever look up to my face? Did she ever feel my heart beat underneath her chin while her eyes were exploring my face? It's not the most flattering angle... I think she must have done this. And now I'm doing it, to another man. I lay my ear on his chest. *Dook-a-dook, dook-a-dook*... The sweet compliments about my culinary skills ring in my ear.

"No, but seriously, how did you even do this? I saw us burn the vegetables and now they taste delicious? How did you do that?"

"Years and years of practice... You have to work with what you got sometimes if you have a busy job and three kids."

"No, no I'm convinced you have to be some kind of culinary mastermind to do this!"

I smile as I hear his laughter in my mind. *Dook-a-dook, dook-a-dook* He's sitting on my couch... on MY couch! And I'm sitting next to him! HIM! And we're watching a movie... what should I do? Should I pull the old 'I'm yawning and putting my arm around you'? Should I edge closer? I don't know... Just bring him some tea, to calm yourself down... *dook-a-dook, dook-a-dook* He's starting to fall asleep... Am I tiring  him? His head is slumped towards me, it will be on my shoulder soon. My heart raced. I could put my arm around him... But what would I do when he wakes up. He might be confused, he might just have fallen asleep, he might not want to... *dook-a-dook, dook-a-dook* Rob moves in his sleep, his hands rises and knits into my hair. The panic that I felt yesterday rises again. What happens if he wakes up? Even though I know I might never feel it again, I try to get out of the comfortableness. I regret every move I make... especially when I feel him move too. I freeze and look up. His eyes are open. His arms drop. 

"Sorry.."

"Goodmorning.... I just wanted to uhh.. make some breakfast."

Is that... disappointment?

"What time is it?"

"7.42."

"Mmm, what are you making?"

"Uhhh, I think I still have some American pancakes.."

"Sounds...good..."

He yawns and I roll out of his arms. 

"Man, I didn't even realize I fell asleep there..."

"Hmm? Oh it's fine. It's nice to hug someone at night I guess."

He chuckles. As he looks up, I feel the extreme urge to kiss him. The way his eyes move up is just...

"How did you sleep?"