Dumb Decisions (Resse AU)

Part 30

~Rob's perspective~

The chair on my right is filled. It had been that way for a week now. Jesse was handling our break up well. I thought it would be hard for him, but according to the news he and Jolein were spotted together again. I can't bear to look at him. I have been ignoring him for the past week. A friendly smile was all he got, just so we don't raise too many questions. 

My eyes wander around the room, ignoring the chair for my heart's sake. I just have to get through a couple more hours, and then the calming can begin. Spending time with my family sounds like the best way to get through it right now. No thinking of everything that happened in the past months, just silly little problems out of other people's life. Just a few more hours.

I no longer want to listen to these stupid debates, but Sigrid has been watching over my shoulder the entire time, making sure I took relevant notes. She has been worried about me since the break up, and she was the only one I ever told about this. I felt bad for not telling my family, but at least I would be able to enjoy my free days without being tormented by our failed relationship. By another failure I could add to my list.

I spent the entire last week working, every e-mail immediately answered, every DM responded to, all of the phone calls made, every speech meticulously written and prepared. I took longer jogs, wanting to remove the bitter taste that he left to it. I tried to eat my own breakfast, but I doubt it will ever get good again. Planning a trip to Italy with my family might not have been the smartest idea, but if I avoided ragu it should be fine.

But I couldn't be saved from the phantom of his presence. My bed feels way too cold without him in it. My pillow sounds way too silent without his heart beating in it. The cold rooms of my house don't feel like home without him. Even in the unusual hot summer my life feels cold without him. It had been a week and I was already touch deprived, feeling his touch at the most random moments. 

My phone lights up. A name I haven't seen on my phone for almost a year on top of the pop up.

"Could we please try again."

My heart lights up, starting to flutter in my chest. Butterflies replacing the anger in my stomach. 
I can feel eyes burning into me from my right, but I choose to ignore them. Instead, I grab my phone and conjure up a smile. The burning stare almost becomes too much to handle, but I still ignore it. I look at the message.

Trying again. Now without having to worry about hurting somebody, because the person who would truly get hurt hurt me deeper. I stare back at the people debating, and I try to focus on the words their saying.

"What mister Wilders fails to realize is that his so called "Moroccans" and all of his "foreigners" aren't stealing anyone's job, they're taking over the jobs we feel are below our level. Also, the incrimination of both of these groups will only lead to more criminal behavior in these groups. If people would stop calling all of them drug dealers and the police stopping them every chance they get, they would feel way less resentment."

I no longer feel his eyes, and for the first time in a week I care to glance at him. He's looking as well groomed as always, and is listening intently to what is being said in the debate. For a moment I feel the overwhelming urge to touch him, to kiss him, to make up with him and be happy. But the urge is crushed by the memory of him getting back together with his ex the day we broke up. Of him not even taking one day off, even though he took almost more than a month off after going through his divorce. He just moved on with his life, looking happier than ever, not a single trace of guilt seeming to bother him. And he didn't deserve it.

The little glance makes me sure of my answer, because I sure as hell did deserve happiness.

"I like the sound of that. Dinner tonight?"

He starts typing immediately.

"I didn't think you would actually answer..."

"But I would like that, a lot."

"Me too. You pick a place?"

"I'll pick you up at 17:30!"

"Can't wait"

I turn my phone down and can't help but feel content. Just a couple of hours more, and I would reclaim my happiness. After all, whatever I had with the man beside me was not what I had with the man who I would have dinner with. Just some suggestive looks mixed with some intoxicating love. A secret love affair with my colleague. One dumb decision.

-THE END-

Part one of the sequel "Smart Decisions" is up now xx