Dumb Decisions (Resse AU)

Part 12

Y'all ain't ready for the coming parts, I'm literally crying. Anyway don't mind me not being able to write stable relationships <3

~Rob's perspective~

"I think I'll come back."
I didn't even bother looking up, he had been saying it every two minutes for the past week.
"That's great baby."

"No, I'm pretty sure I can do it."

"Okay, call Vera and tell her you're coming back."

"I'm gonna do it."

The week before had been stolen from heaven. I never thought Jesse would be so romantic. He bought flowers for my house, they're in a vase on my table as we speak. I was going through the newspaper while he was making breakfast. So I was very surprised when I heard him say:

"Yes, hi Vera, it's Jesse.... yeah I'm doing much better-" He winked at my surprised face and I quickly went back to my newspaper to avoid him seeing me blush. 

"Yes, I'll think I'll get back tomorrow... Yes I did follow everything... It's okay if I just sit there first right? Okay, thank you! See you tomorrow." 

"I'm proud of you."

"I am proud of me proving you wrong..." I came late that day. 

And now it's been three weeks of him being back, and it's harder than I expected. I'm afraid of touching him, since I know the cameras are always on. I'm afraid of looking at him, I know everybody around us would immediately see what is going on between us. I'm afraid of talking to him, since I know that the blush on my face would reveal everything. I look at his back. He's standing tall, shoulders pushed back as he makes his statement. Stop, you're staring. Quick, focus on what he's saying. But the words are not getting into my brain. All I see is the way his curls look from behind, and how I long to be back into his arms. We haven't really seen each other since he came back. This job is very tiring and we both usually just want to go to sleep. Jesse also needs to catch up on his three weeks off. It had only been three weeks. Three weeks he had been off, three weeks he had been back...

I feel him slip next to me.

"You did well." I whisper.

"It's cause I know you were listening..."

I sit back and take a deep breath. Don't show people around you what it did to you. He grins at me. 

"I hate you."

"Sure you do." he sits back in a more comfortable position and takes his pen, rolling it through his fingers. Oh for fucks sake. I try to concentrate on what is happening in the room, but I keep seeing the pen in my peripheral vision. As I look to the side I see he's rather enjoying the frustration he's creating. I put up my middle finger under the table. Nobody else sees it. He lets out a very soft chuckle and leans forward, taking his scent with him. I can't believe him. There is a serious issue being discussed and all he can think about is how to make me nervous. I start to write down what is being said, it always helps me concentrate. He gets up, probably to go to the toilet or get a cup of coffee. Great, now I can finally focus on what to say. I start focusing. Finally. I listen carefully to what they're saying, hoping to find a flaw, when my phone lights up. I look at the message.

"Toilet, second floor."

No-one ever uses that toilet. I look around the Chamber and get up. I look at my phone worryingly, hoping nobody would suspect I'm going close to Jesse. 

Once I get out of the Chamber I start walking faster. Is he really going to do something at work?

The answer is yes. As soon as I close the bathroom he turns around and pushes me against the door, tasting my lips and feeling my hips. 

"Jesse...we're...at...work...."

"I...just...had...to...get..a...taste..." he's already going down my neck.

"Jesse stop... we can't do this at wo-..." he kisses me before I can finish talking.

"Yes... we... can." I push him away. 

"No we can't."

"Oh.." he takes a step back.

"Why not? I haven't seen you, felt you in so long..."

"Because it's weird to do it at work."

"So when are we going to do it?"

"I don't know! But not now!"

"It's the perfect opportunity!"

"I said no! See this is what you always do, you keep pushing me!"

He looks shocked. 

"How am I pushing you? I always ask if you want to!"

"Yes, after guilt-tripping me, or after trying to convince me after I told you 'not right now'."

His mouth keeps opening and closing, like a fish flopping on land.

"You should get back to the Chamber, they'll get concerned about you going to the toilet for this long."

"Won't they be concerned about you."

"No, because I was smart enough to look worried."

"So you were planning to be away for some time."

"Yeah, so we could come in further apart. Go."

"You're so smart, I'm so lucky-"

"Just go."

He looks aggravated as the door closes. I release my breath and hit the sink. I didn't realise this was bothering me. "Fuck." I really missed the opportunity to do what I've been longing to do for three weeks now. He had been right when he asked when. If not now, then when? I shake my head. There will be plenty of opportunities, no need to do it in the toilet of your fucking job. Fuck. I splash water in my face. I shouldn't have said yes the first time. Why didn't I just control myself? I knew something like this would happen! Why didn't I just ignore my physical desires, listen to reason! And he played right into it! Isn't it his fault? He should've stopped after my first concerns! But I didn't want him to. I look at my wet face in the mirror. Why am I so complicated? Why can't my feelings just be the same as my thoughts?

I need to get back to the chamber. Maybe a bit longer? It did have to look like I had some emergency... And I don't want to go back to explain myself... God I'm an idiot. I could've just said no and leave it there, but NO I had to go the extra mile to make him feel bad. I take a paper towel and dry my face. On the other hand, it is bad to suppress your feelings... you should keep communicating on what you want and what you're comfortable with. But what do I want? I have been longing for him for three weeks now. This has crossed my mind multiple times, so why do I now feel uncomfortable? Okay, you need to get back and concentrate on the problems of your country. Look at your own problems during your own time. I firmly put my glasses back on and walk back to the Chamber. I want to sit down but realize Jesse isn't there. Apparently he felt sick and left. Well, fuck.