Dumb Decisions (Resse AU)

Part 21

The next two parts were really hard to write, but we shall see when we finally get to the point I'm trying to write to.

~Jesse's perspective~

I look around me, the plants reflecting the most beautiful shades of green, the sunlight forming mesmerizing golden halos around the individual leaves. I smile while patches of warmth hit my face through the canopy.

Jolein had made a speedy recovery, and we were now working out how the kids should spend their time. She was very happy with me sending away Jonathan, explaining how she just wanted to get rid of him and thought going on a date would do the trick. We laughed for the first time in a year.

This evening Rob would come over for the first time in two weeks, the children and her safe and sound at her sister's house. I was excited to finally feel his warmth again, to be able to sleep in a little. I was excited to see his smile, hear him laugh. I was excited to have him present at my house again.

My idea about synthesised meat was now being made into a solid plan, from tomorrow on it would be debating about silly rules and finding ways to get the finances in order. I remember how my life was two months ago. Hopelessly in love with my colleague, my marriage fallen apart and not believing I could ever go back to working.

And now I'm taking a walk, just for the sake of taking a walk, breathing in the fresh air of het Haagse Bos (it's a small park in the middle of The Hague which can't be destroyed because it's under some king's protection lol.), feeling as happy as I could.

Except this one little part of me. A tiny part that told me this couldn't last. I still haven't told Jolein about Rob. There could be holes in my plan which I haven't seen. Rob could give up on me any moment. I'm trying to ignore it. Jolein didn't need to know, what could possibly go wrong with my plan, and why would Rob leave me?

Maybe because you lied to him. But did I? I did mean that I love him, with every cell of my body. And right now I would say I love him more than Jolein. But she was growing on me again. Her smile when she saw me again after waking up was not leaving my mind. Her apologies and appreciations of getting rid of Jonathan still warm my heart. But I'm praying that will fade away as time moves on. It's probably just because she just got out of the hospital.

Isn't that a thing? When somebody's hurting they're more attractive so you'll help them? I don't know. But I'm with Rob now, he's coming over tonight. So it doesn't matter what I feel for her, it matters what I feel for him.

And those feelings are strong. When he finally walks in after two weeks I almost sink to the floor because my knees are so weak. I try to compose myself, but his overwhelming scent makes it hard to breathe. It feels like my heart is beating out of my chest when I pull him closer for a sweet kiss. I can't stop smiling while we're eating and he's enthusiastically telling about everything that happened the past week, my eyes not being able to stop looking at the cute spark in his eyes. And when he laughs because the food missed my mouth and fell on the floor I wish I could hear that sound for ever.

And when he finally rolls into my arms that night, and we talk a bit more about everything that happened, I wonder how this could ever be wrong.

~Rob's perspective~

This is so wrong. I walk around his room. I woke up about half an hour ago and needed to go to the toilet. When I passed his room, I couldn't stop myself from going in. And now I'm  standing in front of his closet. Is his track suit in here?

I smile at my thought. My red one still has an honorary spot in my closet. One of the first clues for Sjoerd had been the track suit being more prominently placed than the award itself. I open the door. His also has a prominent place.

I want to close the door and go back to the guest room, into his warm arms, against his soft skin, having another confirmation of his affection, when I look up and see an interesting box. It has an intriguing patern. I want to see what he decided would be graceful enough for this box.

I slowly pull out the box. It's pretty heavy, but nothing I can't carry. I slide the box on his bed and flick on the lamp on the nightstand. It's kind of army green with a golden sheen. I follow the patern with my finger before placing them on the sides of the lid.

Don't do it, put it back. It's not my box. I should put it back. Things are going so great beteeen us, what if this box ruins it? My fingers tap the lid impatiently, wanting to lift it. I feel the lid cause friction against the box. The two golden rims make a satisfying click as they pass each other.

What's not so satisfying is the content of the box. It's a stack of papers placed upon a neat row of letters. The envelopes become more yellow the more you go to the left.

I just spot 3 words on the last letter I turn around. I love you. I don't dare to look at the name, but recognize the handwriting immediately. The golden rims click again and within seconds the door closes, as if I've never been there.

~Jesse's perspective~

Long legs move quickly over the ceiling. I follow the spider as it tries to hurry away, looking for a corner to make a nice web. It already made a dumb decision to come into my house, and now it's gonna make another dumb decision of waiting in a corner for flies that would never come.

I get up and grab a glass. My eyes find the spider as it almost reaches the wall. It starts walking down. I grab a piece of paper and catch the spider. As I release the spider outside I realize the paper was one of my sons' drawings. It was a rocket ship next to a moon. The background was black and blue with a hint of purple. A red planet with pink highlights was visible in the background.

I place the drawing back on its pile and turn around. The house is empty, as empty as I feel. Rob left after breakfast because he still needed to get some work done for today. Something had been off since he woke up. He wasn't lying as close to me as I was used to. He didn't look as content as he usually was when he stretched and I pulled him closer. He didn't participate in the conversation over breakfast as much as he normally does. And the work thing didn't seem entirely true.

My mind keeps jumping to different conclusions. Did he find someone new? Was he getting bored of me? Has he felt the slight doubt that has been haunting me? Did I say something in my sleep again that offended him? But this was stupid. If something was wrong we always told each other. Except my feelings for her. But that was different. Those feelings would go away, no need to make him worried. He was probably just occupied with the work he still needed to do.

And at work he seems normal. The casual flirting to keep the shippers busy continues, and that night everything feels exactly how it should, from the nice conversation to kissing panting lips.