Jujutsu Kaisen Oneshots + Headcanons

JJK + reading thirst tweets

Word Count: 953

It's kinda implied but...suggestive content? These are purely jokes and I'm aging everyone up for legal reasons. I did make the kids more appropriate though. But their personalities are the same. Treat it how you treated my top bottom energies. 

Itadori:
-He reaches for the paper, his hands a bit clammy but a goofy smile on his face
-"If I were Itadori Yuuji's significant other I'd only buy him cotton shirts because Sukuna can rip them off any day of the week."
-Shuts his mouth for a second, staring at the paper, before looking directly into the camera
-"Please get me those shirts. I have only three in circulation."
-Mans don't got shirts no more bc Sukuna be ripping them T-T
-"Preferably not ripped though."

Megumi:
-He stares indignantly at the camera man who brings him the box of papers
-He doesn't bury his hands through the box, just picking the one on top like a chocolate out of a box
-"Forget about 14k gold chains, I can't tell whether I want Fushiguro Megumi's hands around my neck or the back of my head. Send help."
-After he stops reading the tweet he shuts his mouth and his lips are pursed into a straight line
-😐
-😑
-Sighs*
-"Um...I don't really wanna do that to you...ever."
-Real awkward
-The red twinge on his ears are so evident
-"I hope you're doing alright...and I hope you solved your problem."

Nobara:
-She has a perfect smile on her face as the box comes to her
-A box digger
-"Please. I'd let Kugisaki Nobara hit it ANY DAY. Squeaky toy or not, this ass is hers."
-Actually laughing surprisingly
-"Uhhh thank you?"
-Her voice sounds uncomfortable but she finds the tweet genuinely funny
-"Ask nicely and I'll see what I can do baby."
Picture perfect wink at the camera
-Effectively solved global warming

Maki:
-Ik everyone portrays her as serious, but naw this girl got a full ass smirk on her face, eyes half-lidded
-Takes her time choosing which slip to read out
-"I'd let Zenin Maki wrap her thighs around my neck and wouldn't care if it was because she wanted to kill me or just warm my ears. I'd thank her too."
-"Ahaha..."
-Finds the tweet funny and adorable
-"I do have to say...my thighs are to die for."
-She kicks her legs up from the stool, perfect balanced
-But when she makes contact with the table she ends up kicking it in half, breaking it
-"Whoops..."

Inumaki:
-For safety reasons the camera man reads it out for him
-But he does get to choose, and he pretty quick about it
-Eyes sparkling kindly as he hands it to the camera man
-Camera man probs goes bi for him
-But this isn't about him
-"I would never let anyone order me around but I guess if it's Inumaki Toge then I kinda have to right?"
-Blinking his beautiful violet eyes before staring at the camera
-"Konbu."
-Panda right next to him to translate
-"He said 'It doesn't always work like that, and I don't to use it on my friends anyways. But if you like getting ordered around I wouldn't mind."
-Inumaki shoots his head over to a smirking Panda, the off-white haired prince staring at the animal aghast; scandalous
-Panda did not translate correctly
-To this day no one knows what Inumaki actually said 

Okkotsu:
-Doesn't matter what age, he'd still be laughing and nervous
-Sticks his hand in the giant jug for awhile before pulling a slip out
-"Fuck skydiving. I'd let Okkotsu Yuuta fling me like a frisbee into that fine bed of his."
-His dark blue eyes are wide as he finishes, setting down the slip sheepishly
-"Umm... I could never do that you...I don't even know if I can. Wait! I don't mean if you're too heavy or anything! I just don't know if I'm–"
-Starts rambling on and apologizing every few seconds
-Very red in the face
-"I hope you're ok..."

Gojo:
-Smug ass motherfucker
-Sitting back leisurely with a smirk on his face
-"If given the chance I'd 100% absolutely slap Gojo Satoru's ass, but then I'd have to check my bank account to make sure I can pay the medical bills for my damage hand because that ass is firm and thic guaranteed."
-His smile afterwards is akin to a child looking at candy
-"I'm glad you appreciate my ass as much as I do. I can concur that it is a fine specimen."
-"I can too!"
-That was Getou in the background of the camera bc you gotta be there for the bros

Getou:
-He's pretty laid back but professional at the same time
-Smiles sweetly at the camera man who gives him the jug
-"I want Getou Suguru to gobble me up like he does those cursed black balls of his."
-Smiling but is a pained one
-"Actually those spheres don't taste all that great..."
-He's got his hands clasped in front of him again, a smile one his face with a dangerous glint in his eyes
-"But sweetheart I'm all for it on the right day."
-Suave ass motherfucker 😤

Nanami:
-Very professional on how he sits
-"I could probably cut my hands slapping Nanami Kento's cheekbones."
-Stares at the slip for a few seconds before pursing his lips and looking directly at the camera
-"Believe me this is a face of a gaunt man. Do you not see the eyebags?"
-Angry dilf rights
-Crosses his arms too

Sukuna: 
-Sitting back with an arm behind his chair
-"Sukuna Ryomen is daddy. I repeat Sukuna Ryomen is daddy. Sukuna–"
-He stops reading with a furrowed brow
-"Could you have not been more creative? It's just my name over and over again. I'm not even your father."
-"I believe it is meant to be a poem sir."
-"How tf is this poetry?"

Naoya:
-No one knows why he's here
-He doesn't even know why he's here
-But apparently the slips exist for some reason..???
-"I'd FUCK the misogyny out of Zenin Naoya. Please and Thank you."
-Chuckles at the slip before smirking at the camera
-"I'd like to see you try darling~"
-Please this man would seriously say darling for any gender