Unscripted love

34. Unrestricted

11 November 2018

Can

I end up wondering if there will ever be a good time, the time when we will be together, ready at the same time...

After this wonderful moment of intimacy, we smiled at each other for a long time but the reality of our schedule caught up with us. No more time to daydream.

Hands clenched on the steering wheel, focused on the road, the car's interior is plunged into a deafening silence, each of us not really knowing how to broach the subject or where to start.

I'm completely confused. Too many conflicting feelings in such a short time. I need to get my feelings out, to share them with her so as not to let the unsaid things darken the picture. However, I don't have enough distance to be really sure of what I feel right now.

We absolutely have to sort this out before we start another day of shooting.

I take my courage in both hands and launch myself, awkwardly.

"So... I wanted to come back to what happened earlier..."

She looks at me and her smile goes from surprise to uncertainty in a quarter of a second. I'd like to know what's hiding in her pretty little head, it might help me to see more clearly...

"Yes?"

"First of all, I'm glad you could free yourself from this weight on your heart, you can always count on me, you know."

I see her smile, relieved for a moment.

"I know Can."

"Now that we're honest with each other, I think we need to talk about what happened this morning. We both know that an exclusive relationship would be too complicated between us right now, and neither of us are good at it."

I feel like her body is tensing up. She remains silent, preoccupied by my speech and what is still to come...

"I like you a lot, we have a wonderful chemistry together and it's very beneficial for the show but I don't want to spoil anything by pushing the limits too far...your friendship is very important to me and I find it very hard to resist your charms...so maybe we can just have a good time together when we feel like it..."

At this moment I feel like the worst kind of idiot, unable to express my true feelings and above all completely anxious at the idea of a new rejection. But against all odds she speaks up.

"I agree with you. It's better this way. No constraints, no headaches, only the best to share."

And that's it. It's done. The cards are on the table. My Facebook status has changed again. I've gone from hardcore single to "in a relationship" to "single" to "in a non-exclusive, non-status relationship". What a strange status.

I laugh at myself. Serves you right, jerk.

The next day...

Can

In my trailer, on the set of episode 21, make-up artists and hairdressers are busy around me. I try to take advantage of this to record the lines of the script but each sentence slips into a corner of my head without deigning to stay there.

I feel like I can't concentrate or be productive in what I'm doing. Yet, on the set, you don't feel it...

The episode we are currently shooting highlights an ambiguous situation with Sanem...the feelings are there, powerful, the looks, the touches too, but our characters remain bogged down, torn between their desires, their fears and the reality of the world around them.