1. Prologue

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How long have been I dozing off ? I can still taste on my lips the flavours of that cocktail we shared. I can feel his warm breath blowing away the sand stuck on my skin. His hands running over my arms, from shoulders to wrists and I shiver. I imagine the smile on his lips. His etched dimples that bring my heart to its knees. Could I ever get tired of this feeling of utter fulfillment ? After all these months of work, from evening to morning, sometimes almost 20 hours a day, we take a little rest. But I tend to collapse without warning !


The sweetness of a late summer afternoon, the lapping of the waves a few metres from my feet, the marine air that tickles my nostrils, the warmth of the sand under my fingers, the sound of straw-clad parasols moving back and forth along with the sea spray. I feel so peaceful, serene.


I can feel my eyelids swell. I blink several times. I'm looking for his face.


However, when my field of vision finally adapts to the light, I am not where I thought I was. It's not that same beach, that same turquoise water and quickly I can feel my chest torn open.

He is not here.I would like to erase the suffering that suffocates me. The sobs get stuck into my throat and I sit up with a start in my deck chair, breathless. Panic gets hold over me once again.


- "Demet! Demet, I'm here my darling ... calm down, calm down..."


My mother's voice brings me out of my stupor. I'm catching my breath, slowly, and eventually the tears come down running abundantly over my cheeks, almost as a relief.


 I can't speak, everything is stuck at the back of my throat. The images of my dream chased away by reality. I am alone with my mother on a beach in Izmir. I allowed this future that I had not hoped for to escape from me. I expected nothing, nothing of the like, not then and everything fell onto me so quickly ... 


Neither of us took the full measure of what was happening to us. It was too strong, too powerful.


 The wind of freedom has blown over us. Everyone has resumed their previous life, convinced that everything would be back to normal. "We will see each other from time to time". "You know both of us are going to be very busy..." "We're not going to be tied to each other, it doesn't feel like us."


I remember precisely each one of the words I used. I did not know the impact they would have on him. You only realize the place and importance of things when you have lost them.

 You only realize the place and importance of things when you have lost them

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 ***

It is only a small prologue ... 

Sad indeed but it is the introduction before going into the heart of the matter. I finally got started. Thank you for encouraging me to the girls who will recognize themselves.

Many English speaking fans asked me to translate this story from french to english but not having a very advanced and lacking literary English, I had little hope of being able to meet the demand.


Luckily mariesophieallen   offered me her help and I will be forever grateful for that ! 

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