Unscripted love

46. Falling Star

5 August 2019

Can

From sunbathing to cuddling, from friendly dinners to tête à tête, from refreshing swims to walks by the beach, out of sight, we spent two idyllic days. The warmth, the taste of salt on her skin and her relaxed smile are all a wonder.

Yet I nervously run my hands through my hair and put my phone down on the railing of the boat, worried. My conversation this morning with Faruk, Ilker's call just now, the reality of our lives is catching up with us. I wish we could have stayed longer, taken the time, just the two of us, to talk about all the things we haven't discussed yet and especially the baby...

To settle down and think about our future.

Demet, even if she enjoys these moments of plenitude because it's summer, Erkenci Kus has just finished and she needs a holiday, asks herself many questions. Many projects have been proposed to her, but her pregnancy puts everything in question. She can't commit to anything long-term at the moment.

How will she take the news I've just been told?

I have to fly back to Istanbul tomorrow before I fly to Italy. My agents and Faruk absolutely want me to do a European tour as my popularity there is growing at an incredible rate. It's great for business, for selling projects abroad and for my image but it requires an extra personal investment and it's not the best time for me.

I have so many things to put in order, so many things to talk about with Demet...

My eyes drift to the horizon as I feel her hands grip me from behind and her head rest against my shoulder blades. I close my eyes for a moment, concentrating on the soft sensation of her body against mine, giving me the courage I need for the next few minutes. I'd like to turn around, take her in my arms and promise her I'll never leave her, ever. She would kiss me gently, leaving me to savor her velvety lips, to deepen our kiss before pulling back, smiling, eyes still closed. We would savor the infinity of the night, the fullness of just being together.

Instead, I let out a deep sigh and face her, annoyed. Which she notices instantly.

"Can? What's the matter? Is something wrong?"

"I just got off the phone with Ilker..."

"And? Nothing serious I hope?"

"No... Don't worry, not in that sense..."

"Explain to me, you're scaring me."

I lean against the railing, spread my legs and invite her to come between as I trap her body against mine for a moment.

"I want you to know that no matter what happens I love you Demet, I've always loved you, even before I met you it was already you, there will never be anyone else..."

"You're scaring me, Can, tell me the truth..."

So I do it, I let the explanations flow as they come. My discussion with Faruk that morning, the phone call from my agents, the proposals for future projects, the partnerships with Spanish and Italian firms, the TV series festival in Cannes, France in October...

As I explain, I can feel her detachment, her smile fades and her eyes become less sparkling. I even suspect a tear forming in the outer corner of her left eye. She seems strong, prepared for the demands of our busy schedules, but the hormones of pregnancy certainly change that.

Yet I can see in her eyes that she knows I don't have much choice.

Both she and I are at a turning point in our careers, buoyed by the success of our latest series together, adored but with so much to prove...