Unscripted love

12. Between Two Worlds

8 November 2019 - 6.30 pm

Can

I leave my gym bag in the entrance hall, I need a little break, a little nap before starting this birthday party. I don't know exactly what I've been booked but I know I'm expected at Ruby. I'm going to go mechanically, not backwards but almost. Thirty years old. It's not a small thing. Yet no matter how much I drink, no matter who's there, I won't be totally fulfilled. Nothing will do anything about it. But for my mother, for my father, for all the people who have always supported me, I will be there. I'll be acting, after all it's my job.

The night has already fallen. In the distance, through my bedroom window, I watch the lights of the city shining on the water. I sit on my bed with my head between my legs and put my hair back on, sighing all the tension. I still have this lump in the back of my throat...

A year ago everything was so different...

I turn to the pillow and I discover a piece of paper...folded in half.

I unfold it slowly and discover this little writing... that I recognize all too well...

II take a deep sigh and start reading

Can,

I know you are angry with me for not answering your calls all this time. I really needed to withdraw, to get away from it all after those moments without you, without us. I needed to move on. So did you. We hurt each other so much.

We both know we got carried away by the magic of the show. This wonderful chemistry between us, the chemistry of our characters, our hectic personal lives...

I haven't forgotten anything Can. No. I haven't forgotten anything. How could I? I don't want to forget anything, I want to keep your love in my heart, these exceptional moments we shared. You have been there for me so often. You have a tender look at everything. I have never met anyone like you. Sometimes, when I am sad and think about you, I try to imagine if things could have been different? Maybe if...or if...but in the end I wouldn't want to change anything. Because what happened was just us.

So indeed, maybe if I was less flayed, if I needed less of that freedom that drove us apart, maybe...

But I want to keep the memory of your tender gaze, the one you only intended for me, the one that so often comforted me, gave me the strength to continue...

I know that you are going through difficult times, the press is not kind to you. Keep in mind that your success attracts envy and jealousy. You are by far the best partner I have had in all areas. Your physical beauty is only a pale reflection of the wonderful person you are inside. Believe me. Look how much everyone around the world loves you...One day all those hateful people will know that their meanness will have been for nothing and that you will keep your rightful place at the top of the bill. Remember... "haters gonna hate".

I don't want this letter to hurt you. It will. I wanted to show you how much I care about you. You will always be one of the most important people in my life, Can.

I remained silent for a long time because it was necessary for us to resume living without each other. But I don't want you to think that I wasn't thinking about you anymore. Not a day goes by without me thinking of you Can, to what our lives might have been like if we hadn't gone through this terrible ordeal. I am so proud of your success, of how much people love you and how well you make them feel...even though I confess I am always jealous of all those women who stick to you....

I no longer have the right to be jealous.

I hope one day you can forgive me.

You deserve to be happy, you deserve the best. I hope you will meet the right person for you, the one who deserves you and that you deserve.

I can't be here tonight Can. Guldem really did his best but it is not possible, we both know that. Give a big hug to your parents, I miss them very much too.

Anyway I am not far away, I am right here in your heart and you will always be in mine.

I wish you a very happy birthday Can.

To you forever.

D.

I chase the tears out of the corner of my eyes. I didn't feel them flowing.

I can't be happy without her by my side. I can't be. I have tried. Three months I've been trying to survive.

I reread her letter and I smile. I cry and laugh.

My Demet. My one and only.

I am cold and I am hot. It is hard and soft at the same time.

Tonight you won't be here but you'll think of me and I'll think of you.

Tomorrow is another day...

______________________________________________________

This chapter is an interval between two worlds...like the title of this chapter.The world before, the world of Erkençi Kus and the magic that surrounded Can and Demet, when everything remained to be done, conquered and the world after, the world after, the one where everything has collapsed, where everything seems lost but where the slightest sign gives hope of regaining what has been lost...

I wrote it a little over a year ago, after the anniversary of the 30 of Can (which inspired this chapter). And I also needed a quiet moment to put the words down.

It's as short, it will be the only one as short, but that's the way it is...I hope this chapter has not disturbed you too much as it is a good one in time compared to the other chapters?

I also thank you all for your kindness. Your comments help me to know if I am right, if you dreamed as much as I did of this beautiful love story.

In the French version I am in the process of writing chapter 46 since I am alternating with my other story "The Flight" of which I published the third part this week.

Don't hesitate to subscribe for those who haven't yet done so (but I know that many have played the game and I thank you very much).

Here in France, the period is not obvious as in many places in the world because of this pandemic and also because of terrorism. I need all the more to escape and to write as I feel this world is leaving on the wrong side.

Take care of yourself!