Unscripted love

45. You And Me

13 August 2019

Can

I walk through the almost deserted corridors of Istanbul airport. In this late afternoon, the heat is stifling outside. With my little travel bag at arm's length I leave to join Demet in Bodrum where she's spending a few days resting with friends and Faruk's family. I can't help but feel nervous. The bubble surrounding our relationship is threatening to burst as the series ends. That was only a few days ago...and yet. The euphoria of the last moments of filming, of the discovery of the last lines of the script, those last moments shared with the whole team, I already feel like I'm missing out. The relief was short-lived and I can't help but feel a little frustrated by this aborted ending. We were all hoping for more.

Success, brilliance, awards, unanimous congratulations and slowly the announcement of the end of the series. The spleen that settles in, chased away by the relief of the long-awaited holidays. The future projects in suspense that are already gravitating above our heads...it's finally almost as dizzying as the frenzied rhythm of this year spent on the shoots.

But for 23 days exactly, 23 days our lives have been turned upside down.

Flash back to 20 July 2019...

Demet has become increasingly irritable in recent days. The chaotic shooting, the rough scripts that follow one another, the cut scenes and the heavy atmosphere of the approaching end put us all under pressure. We still had so much to tell...and she's taking it very hard. Far from her usual professional side, I have to admit that she can't handle the overflow of emotions at all.

Fear of the void? Of what will happen after the show? Anybody could find it stupid from the outside, she has such a talent, what is she risking ? They're all going to want her. I feel less comfortable. The press makes me feel miserable, one step aside and I pay the price for weeks.

When I knock on the door of her caravan, it's a voice muffled in a sob that answers me.

"Dem?"

Sitting on the little bench by the window she sniffs loudly. The marks on her cheeks and her reddened eyes do not leave much to the imagination, she has been crying. What could have happened to put her in this state? I walk over to her, crouch down to her level and grab her hands and squeeze them to get her attention.

"You're scaring me Dem what's going on?"

"..."

"Dem please...is that your mother? Your brother ? Is it bad ?"

I feel that her throat is so knotted that she is unable to speak to me so I stand up and take her in my arms. She scares me but I feel that before I can get any answer I need to reassure her. I sit beside her without letting go and rock her tenderly. The minutes pass in silence and her sobs finally subside, her breathing has calmed down. I then try to resume my interrogation but she anticipates my approach as if to jump into the water, certainly fearing to break down again.

"I'm pregnant Can."

Her face in her hands, her head down, she drops this bomb without even looking me in the face. Her words echo in the corner of my head, somewhere between my left and right ear. I'm dreaming.

"Dem look at me."

I return to my original position, crouching in front of her as she raises her head and stares at me. She looks scared, lost, waiting for my reaction.