The Psychotic Minds (COMPLETE)

Chapter 21. My sanity (his pov)

A/N
I recommend listening to this song in headphones for this chapter 🎧

It's been a few days. And no, she still isn't awake. God I hate myself. I fucked it up. I caused this and her heart hurts because of me.

I'm in the room and haven't left and Milo has been here unless he is at work and he is right now. Jonah has been very kind and helpful and brought me food and clothes because I refused to leave her.

I look at the monitor and her heart starts to speed and she started jerking as if she was possessed or is having another seizure.

"DOCTOR!!" I yelled feeling myself choke up.

"Wha- oh my god!" She said while grabbing her walkie-talkie, "emergency in room 218." She said before grabbing her bed and unhooking things and devices from her as 5 other doctors walked in grabbing the bed and putting oxygen on her face. They rolled her out and I was told to stay here. I- I can't. I feel myself starting to panic and I remind myself to take deep breath's.

I just sat there and sobbed.

Doctors POV

After I had left the man we rushed the girl to the back of the room and we had given her all the oxygen that was safe for her. But her heart had just suddenly stopped. The files said she was 16 but accounted for herself.

We got to the external defibrillator (the shock paddles doctors use) and started them up. It's been about 1 minute since she died and we had to hurry.

"Come on we can't wait too long." I said.

"CLEAR!" Doctor Bo said and I watched her body jolt aggressively. She's just a kid. Please let her be okay.

"CLEAR." Was said again and her body jolted once again and her heart started racing but skipped beats.

"One more!" Bo yelled and did it once more. Her heart started at a normal pace and I took a deep breath. She's okay.

"We did it!" We all said relived. I have done this many of times but she seems different. I don't know how to explain it.

I strolled her back to the room where she now was getting medicine through the IV to get her nutrition she'd usually get from food.

"What happened?" The boy asked. He was very tall and handsome but his dark hair was a mess and he had bloodshot hazel eyes. Poor guy.

"She had died for about a minute and 45 seconds but we got her up again." I said in the simple terms tired people would understand.

"Oh my godddd." The boy sounded so angry and upset as he rubbed his face.

I quickly made sure her oxygen was on and left.

Jax POV

I called Milo and told him what had happened and he panicked a bit. I can't sit still. I'm so angry and worked up. I- I need to go fight. I texted him that I'll be back later and left making sure I kissed her forehead. I started driving to the Underground where I scheduled myself.

People just called me by my name nothing special.

I walked in and changed only wearing basketball shorts over my sport spandex. I wrapped my wrists and put my promise ring under my clothes so it doesn't get ruined.

They announced me but it was all a blur I just walked into the ring and saw that my opponent was my size. I haven't fought in over a month because I was scared of taking a life but at this point there isn't anything I can do. They signed up for this shit.

"Wow you look rough pretty boy." The man said in a hoarse voice.

"Meh." I mumbled before hitting him in the jaw.

I let him hit me a few times and I caught onto his tell but still let him beat me. Pain is a feeling and I wanted to feel anything but anger and sadness.

When he knocked me back I stepped forward and started going all out and when he was on the floor unconscious my vision became blurred with tears and I didn't stop until the man was limp. Even then the ref had to pry me off because I just couldn't stop. I took the money and ran back into the locker room with tears in my eyes. I sobbed for a bit till I wiped my tears and put a black shirt on.

I got out and started to drink a lot. A lot more than I have in a while because my head hurt, my heart hurt, my face ached as well as my body.

I felt a little light headed after a good amount of drinks so I called Milo, "Heyyy buddayyyy!" I said taking another sip of my vodka soda.

"Are you serious Jax? You drunk asshole." He said before hanging up.

I don't know what his problem is pshhh

~~~

He came and got me and I refused because I was having a great time. I grabbed my clothes and slid back on the ring then remembering my baby.

That sobered me up a bit but not enough I was waaaassssteddddd.

"I killed a man." I slurred as he helped me into his car.

"What?" Milo said angrily.

"I saidddd I killed a man. Didn't mean too though he just chose to die." I said shrugging.

Before I knew it we were parked in front of a gas station and Milo walked in telling me to stay.

~

He walked out with a coffee and donuts. My girls favorite. I felt tears hit my cheeks and he came in and handed me the coffee and some donuts.

I ate them feeling a little better.

"I'm sorry. I'm out of control." I whispered while eating a donut.

"It's okay mate I just want you to stay strong for Oakley when she wakes up. You need to be honest with her. You really fucked up but we all mess up. This one was just worse." Milo said resting his head back on the chair.

"I know but I did this because I was petty and embarrassed, she could have died because of me Milo." I said disappointed.

"I know but you also didn't know her history with panic attacks and passing out. It's only been what 3 weeks? So I know it's hard but she's been hurt worse. You love her. Prove it to her." He said as he started driving to the hospital.

~~~

Over the next few days I've been getting teddy bears and flowers and clothes and candy for my baby for when she wakes up. I haven't drinken any alcohol since that night. I just have been preparing myself for the two words I'm gonna hear when she wakes up. I know she's gonna tell me we're over. I'll keep fighting but this was such a disaster. I have been non-stop crying like a little bitch and my thoughts have been so scattered. I need her. She is my sanity even if she's insane.

Come back to me baby girl I can't do this without you.