[High school romance]
Bad boy x bad girl
Stella Max is a bad girl. She doesn't have hope anymore after her mom left her, commiting suicide.
Michael Henson is a bad boy. He's father is busy, rich, famous attorney and he wants Michael to become one. B...
"I saw the signs and I ignored them" - Selena Gomez, song Lose you to love me
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"I love you", she says, smiling, while tears continue to stream down her black cheeks covered in ink from her mascara.
No. No. No. Impossible. She can't love me. I thought she didn't believe in love, just like me.
I don't believe in love. I can never be in love. Yes, I like her, but I'm not in love with her. And I can never be. What love is? Love is something that kills you softly. That it's consuming you until you have no energy left. Until you're nothing but a shell. A dead man. I don't want to be dead. Yeah, I wanted, I tried to kill myself because that's the only solution for me, yet I don't want to be killed by love. I still want to die, to join my mom, but not in this way. Not with this weapon, not with love.
I just know that it's not going to end well. I can't tell her that I love her back. I can't. That'll break her little heart, but I just can't. Because if I tell her I love her I'm a dead man. And not dead like I'll end with my mom, but dead like a zombie. Dead with feelings which are only sorrow and pain, and with my very alive body, yet with enormous pain in my chest. Something similar to how I've been living for the past few years, but much worse. I don't want to get killed by that stupid emotion. Maybe by a razor (which clearly didn't work out) or alcohol or drugs, but not by love. No. Just like that quote I wanted to tattoo- if you ever wanna die fall in love and you'll get killed. No. No. No.
I have told her that there was no us, that I was better without her. Yeah, I admit I told her that only to make her leave, to leave my broken and damaged self. Because if she doesn't leave me I'll bring her down with me. She is going to drown with me. Our demons are gonna unite and kill us. And I don't want to kill her. No matter how much I want to die, I don't want her to die, to go with me in that afterlife if it exists. But I didn't see this coming. I didn't see that she loved me.
How can she love me out of all people? Me, fucked up and broken person who failed to kill himself. No matter how much I want to tell her that I love her, I can't bring myself to. I can't pronounce those three words. They are so hard for me to say. And even if I want to lie to her because I can see in her emerald eyes with shining tears how her little heart will be shattered if I tell her the opposite of what she's expecting, I just can't bring myself to. I can't even lie. I can't. I will bring her down with me and we're both gonna die. And before we die I will have to look at her and say that I love her, even though that's not the truth. I can't make her happy, there will always be obstacles between us. This time more, when she confessed that she loved me. I can't look at her shiny eyes and happy smile while she's saying me that she loves me and I have to lie her. She'll see that, so why to lie her? Lying is a sin, rights? So I need to tell her the painful truth which is going to break her. But better to be broken by truth, than to be lied to.
"Stella...."
Her eyes fill with hope as she widens them, her fulls lips curling into a smile, while her thumb is caressing my hand.
