Star and its darkness (Book 1 in the Darkness&Brightness series)

38. Mask on

I woke up to the sound of the song Circles by Post Malone. I have no idea why I put it as an alarm. It's too calming and I can barely hear it. I seriously have to change it. But I really love this song, so I stretch and yawn while listening to the lyrics.

"Season change and our love went cold, feed the flame because we can't let go, runaway but we running in circles, runaway, runaway...."

This song is about a relationship that keeps going round and round, like a never-ending circle. But even if I wasn't in a relationship when I fell in love with the song, I identified it with my life. My life is a never-ending circle of darkness and demons chasing me. So, yeah, they're kinda running in circles. 

I got up, brushed my teeth, and put on some black hoodie and ripped jeans in the same color since it's cold outside. I head downstairs to make some coffee, but I'm surprised when I see that Myles already made it.

"Good morning", he smiles.

"Good morning. What are you doing here?" I approach him and sit.

"What do you mean?" He frowns a little bit. He surely thought that I'm seeing his brother instead of him again. But no, this time I'm not. But that doesn't mean that soon I won't see him again. And not in the shape of his twin, but in reality. Him, with his yellow teeth, a cigarette between it, joint may be, and his lips curled in a smirk, an evil one, while he is devouring me with his dead eyes.

I shake my head, snapping and trying to enjoy them right now, well maybe not enjoy but relax and try to calm down, till he's not here. Because that day when I'm going to see him again and shivering is getting close.

"I mean why are you not in the bed? You suppose to be resting!", I scold the ginger boy with fewer freckles than his twin.

"I am actually going to school", he says, gulping coffee.

"What? No. No way!"

"And why not?" He hands me a hot coffee mug which burns my hands. "Just how you like it." He smiles and I cannot appreciate how kind he actually is. Unlike his brother. I don't understand how these different persons can actually be brothers. They are like heaven and hell. Like devil and angel, which I said too many times. 

"Cuz you just left the hospital! And you...", he cuts me off.

"I am okay. See? I am totally fine. You don't have to worry. Besides, I cannot leave you alone."

"Why? He's arrested", I say, not wanting to mention his brother's name because it gives me shivers. But if his name can get you goosebumps then what his grin and figure can do when you see it? I try to brush off my thoughts which are sent by an email from devils. I'm sorry, but I'm throwing it in the bin, deleting it, and trying to find an option for not receiving any more content from this email.

"Yes, but still." He takes another gulp of his coffee and smiles at me. "I am fine. Now drink that or we will be late. I will wait for you in the car." He gets up, takes his backpack from the floor, and adjusts it on one shoulder.

I sigh, trying to process what just happened. I quickly drink my coffee and take my leather jacket, heading to Myles' car. I missed a lot of school, but it's not like I give a fuck.

Thank God Myles doesn't mention Michael during the ride. But all I can think of is him. Last night I fell asleep imagining that I'm in his embrace, laying on his bare chest, while he is fondling my hair. And the last night I haven't had any nightmare. Before I fell asleep I repeated everything he said in my head, his gentle and warm touch on my cold skin and his muscular body which I couldn't bring myself to touch. Even though I wanted it so bad, I still can't. I'm still struggling with those pictures coming to my mind, torturing me, reminding me of what had happened, and threatening to tear me apart.