Star and its darkness (Book 1 in the Darkness&Brightness series)

21. Stars ✩✩✩

"Actually I want three stars. 'Cuz you know my name's Stella and that means star in Italian. My mom has Italian roots. Had", I frown, mumbling the last part.

I did this on purpose to see Michael's reaction. But it's normal and I can't read it. I can't read what he's thinking now. Has he already known? Or did he just hear that?

"That's interesting", Skye says, taking me back to reality.

"And I want three. 'Cuz that's her favorite number." Was. I forgot to say that.

I'm not doing this because of Michael. I'm doing this because of my mom. No matter how much I want to forget her I can't. And I think I actually don't want to forget her. Maybe I'm just pretending, trying to cover my sadness and anger at the same time.

"Okay, where?"

"Like Michael. But, opposite side. And can you do one under the other?" She nods, smiling.

"Do you want them to be the same size or one larger than the other?" I put a finger on my lip, thinkin'.

"Same size. Can you do that?" She nods again and I return the smile.

Right now I feel like the old Stella. A nice, kind one. Blonde girl who's terrified of needles. TERRIFIED.

She rubs a spot beneath my ear with alcohol. I'm scared. Jesus Christ, why am I doing this? When the needle touches my skin I immediately close my eyes and cuss myself. This hurts!

I feel someone next to me. Michael. I open my eyes to see him smiling. Not grinning, smiling.

"Sweetheart, you need to relax", he says, taking my hand. If I wasn't in this position I would slap him. But now I need a distraction. And this is really a nice one. His thumb fondling my hand is pretty soothing. Like heaven.

"You lied. This hurts." I frown again, because of the pain.

"You'll get used to it. Just relax." I exhale and close my eyes. I try to relax. Michael's hand on mine, needle engraving in my skin. I welcome the pain.

"That looks really good." I open my eyes when I hear his voice. I think I almost fell asleep. I relax for the first time in my life. First time after she died.

"Does it?", I ask, excited.

"Look at it, sweety." I move my upper body, feeling sore, but when I look at the tattoo I forget about the pain. It's just like I wanted.

"Thank you!" I smiled, almost hugging her, but I fought against the old Stella.

I feel Michael letting go of my hand. I haven't even realized that he was still holding it.

"Now we match." He laughs.

"No, we don't." I look at the mirror, this one is bigger, Michael is next to me.

I look at both tattoos. They really match. Why I did this? Then I feel his gaze on me and I look at him. He's too close. I step back, approaching Skye.

"When will this redness disappear?"

"In two or three days. Here, let me put a bandage." I still feel a needle on my skin and it hurts and burns. I love it, surprisingly. "Okay, that's it." She smiles at me and I smile back. "You know, Stella, Michael doesn't bring girls here. You must be special", she whispers. I look at Michael who's still watching his tattoo in the mirror and shake my head.

"I doubt. We literally just met." And literally just slept together, my mind adds.

"I'm just sayin'. You must be."

"She's lovely", I say, as we step outside, realizing that said old Stella, not me. Not bad Stella.

"Yeah, she is", he agrees.

"We are going to school now?"

"Why would we? We didn't ditch just to come back." He grins.

"So, where are we going now? Or you just wanted to do a tattoo and then got rid of me?" Bitterness is clear in my voice, even though I didn't want it to be.

"No, sweetheart, I didn't. I don't ever want to get rid of you." Why does this sound sweet to me? Why am I becoming the old Stella who's freaking out because of some boy?

If I didn't change I would probably feel free with this boy. But if I didn't change he would never sleep with me. And I would never sleep with him in the first place. If I was old Stella we wouldn't meet. But I don't like the way I feel when I'm with him like he can expose my secrets anytime. Like he can see them. Me. See me. Real me.

"Um, I actually have to go", I say, stuttering.

"Why?" He frowns and turns to me.

I look at the trees with their beautiful green dresses-leafage surrounding us. It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, and clouds are hiding behind it, shy to come out and fight against the sun which is so strong and its lighting can't be ruined with anything. Not even with clouds. And those two are always in a never-ending war. But my darkness is calling me and I can't reject the call. I want to, but I can't. Looks like my lighting isn't too strong to fight the darkness like the sun's is.

"Because I have to. Bye!" I turn on my heel and leave him.

"Stella, wait, did I do something?", he yells behind me. Yes, you did. You seem to engrave your crawls in my skin. I don't like that. Instead, I say.

"No, just have to go!"I start running. I have to run from him. He can't catch me. No, I can't allow that.

I have no fucking idea why she just left me. I saw sparkles in her green eyes when she asked me where are we going next, but then... Those sparkles vanished really fast, replaced with... I saw that fear. Again. Why she's so scared all the time? I have to run after her. I have to catch her and find out, solve her, otherwise, I can't sleep. She keeps crossing my mind multiple times a day. I don't know why. Like she keeps pulling me to her and I can't resist. I just can't. But at the same time, she's pushing me. And I can't let that happen. I can't let her run from me. I have to catch her. She can't escape.

NOTE: You can see in the picture how I imagined the tattoo.

This was again a short chapter, but longer ones are coming. Big things are coming I'm so excited, so stay tuned.

Love you all! ❤️❤️❤️