Shattered Hearts ✓

g l o o m y

s h a t t e r e d h e a r t s

c h a p t e r 11

A soft drop of water falls on my face and shakes me awake. I had no idea that I had even fallen asleep. My eyes open when more drops land on me. I look around me to see that I'm in the forest, and it's raining. For a second I'm confused at what I'm doing out here, but then I remember that I came out here last night. I had met Nik who told me the saddest news of all time. It still weighs heavily on my heart. Like an elephant is stomping on my heart and Nik and my sister are riding the elephant.

The smallest sigh escapes from me as I lean with my head against the tree, and I look up. The leaves are able to shield me from the drops of water but when they do fall over to me, they are much larger as they gave gathered on the leaves and when they become too heavy they fall on me. I don't stand up, I don't even think that I have the energy to even stand in my own feet. All that I do is stare up at the leaves and allow the drops to fall on my face as well as my body.

Not caring much for it. I don't care how cold the water is or how much I'm shaking from the cold, nor do I care that I'm out here and have been out in the cold all night. Where the freezing air has found its way towards my bones and the cold doesn't want to let me go. And neither did I want to. The cold at least gives me something to let me know that I'm still alive. It shows me that at least I'm alive, and I'm not suffering in the afterlife.

If that were the case, I don't think that I would be able to live there. My eternity would be just pain and suffering. It would be the worst of my life and I would rather just want to become nothing, cease to exist than have to live for all eternity in pure pain. That would be the last straw and I would not be able to live like that, I don't even think anyone can live like that. For that would be the living Hell that I would be put into. While I do deserve this pain for not telling him when I could, I don't deserve to live with it for all eternity.

I sit there and watch the world become brighter. The sun doesn't show itself on the sky, but that doesn't mean that the world doesn't become bright because it does. The gray clouds are everywhere, and they have taken over the sky, they hide the sun away and are ruling the world for now. That is until the sun takes over and pushes them away, after all the sun is rather powerful and is able to push them away with that power.

Though, the world does also need the clouds and needs the rain, and we can't deny the world that. And I also find that there is this beauty in the clouds and in the rain itself. Sitting out here and just looking at it, the rain drops silently falling to the ground, watering all that it can and sparing nothing, not even me. Reminding me that the rain is keeping the forest that holds so much beauty alive. In fact, I should be thanking the rain for that for without it, I would not even be here at all, I would not be sitting in the mesmerizing forest that I do.

If minutes or hours pass by, I don't know, but by the time that I stand up, my body aches from being in the same position for so long. My clothes are dripping wet and my hair is as well. My skin is cold to the touch and then water drops are everywhere. None of that matters to me. While the cold water has touched me, I find that I don't mind. It actually does help me in a way. The bandages around my hands are also soaking wet.

I glare at them before I start to rip them away from me. Not wanting to see them anymore. I hate them. The tears ting my eyes as I rip layer after layer of the bandages until my hands are free, and then I stare at my fingers in pure shock when I see them. A tear slips down from my eye, but this time it is not because of the sadness that has taken hold of my heart, but rather because I can't even believe what is happening. I must be dreaming, this has to be a dream, it just has to.