Shattered Hearts ✓

s e c u r e

s h a t t e r e d h e a r t s

c h a p t e r 31

An hour passes by and down here none of us can hear anything. There have been no news of what is taking place above us and we are all afraid of knowing what is actually happening. The unspoken questions that is within our minds, the ones that ask if the war has begin, and if the ones that we love are safe and if they are winning. Anna, Eric and I got comfortable on one of the beds, where I wrapped the covers around them and over their bodies to keep them safe and warm. She had told me that they have not slept in beds for some time.

My heart felt for them when she said those words. Anna does talk a lot, at least once she begins to trust. She did say that Eric hasn't spoken that much and hasn't since he was born, but she can't remember much of that. They fell asleep nearly as soon as they laid down. Probably had not had a good night sleep for a very long time. I hold them and protect them. Even when I know that we are safe down here, I have this nagging feeling I have to be on guard.

My stomach hates me at the moment as I've not eaten all day. I don't have an appetite for food anyway and neither do I want to leave them here. Food has been served to those that ask the staff for. I had asked Anna and Eric if they wanted anything but they shook their heads and said they weren't hungry. I understand that very well. However, I did make them promise to tell me if they wanted anything and I would give it to them. I feel like I want to give them the whole world.

Maybe this is how it feels like to have children. If so, then I don't ever want to stop feeling this way. None of this has been spoken to to Sam but I know that he will accept them. If not then he's not the one that I thought that he was. Sam will accept them and take them as his children as well. Even when neither of them are our biological children, it doesn't matter because I will think of them as my own and they are my children. Who cares for blood ties anyway, they only hurt you.

I stay there, sitting on the bed with them on either side of me. My body does not move because if I do, I'm afraid that I will wake them. Mostly all the children, expect perhaps the older ones have gone to bed and this silence has come over us. We are calming down. All of us. Still, the fear is still alive. We are learning to bury it within ourselves. We are in a position that is hard and terrifying, and unfair. Women can fight just as well as men can, and I will make it so that women will be able to fight in the future and choose to do so.

Watching the women as some pace around in worry, some are watching over their children, others have found themselves doing some tasks, others cleaning, few are talking to each other. I feel like I should be doing something, that because I'm staying here, I'm weak and useless and a coward. Then I think about the two children that look up to me and depend on me. If I were to leave them, they will think that I have left for good. I have to stay here with them and protect them.

I allow myself to close my eyes. I'm not sure if sleep does find me, but I'm woken up by the thing that wakes everyone up. The thing that is so loud that we all hear it. This old thunder like sound as the door which we came from and is like the wall has cracked. We see that it has this large crack from top to bottom and seems to grow stronger. The crack frightens us all as I stand up and hold Anna and Eric behind me on the bed, to make sure that they are safe.

They hold my body in fear and I try to comfort them in any way that I can. My body is stiff and rigid, and not at all tried. I'm ready to fight and I'm ready to defend everyone in this room if I have to. The women are doing the same thing as I do, and hide their children behind them. Another loud cracking sound is heard and then this dust cloud is blown our way and we need to close our eyes and hold our breaths to not take all of this debris inside of our body.