Dysphoria [q.k + trans!male!reader!]

063

And now it's just Xiaojun left, and so far we've got 22 supportive members!

"Yangles! Where's Xiaojun?"

"I think he's in his room or something? I don't know why are you asking me?" Yangyang scoffed, sticking his tongue out to me like the very rude person he is.

"Shove a stick up your ass." I stick my tongue out back at him, mocking the look on his face.

"Shouldn't you be making out with Kun or something?" Yangyang got up on his knees on the couch, turning around to face me, his hands in the back of the couch to support himself.

"Sir I haven't even had my first kiss yet." I groan, leaving him in the room alone to go look for Xiaojun.

The door to Xiaojun's room was closed, the light on meaning he was probably inside. It felt worse than the others though, maybe cause everything's been almost perfect to this point and god will probably ruin it now.

But Xiaojun supports this stuff right?

I sighed, turning back around and heading back to where Yangyang was. "Xiaojun supports lgbtq+ right?"

"As far as I know, could be a little fruity himself to be honest. Oh and hurry up I have a funny meme to show you but it'll ruin the mood if I show you now." Sometimes I question Yangyang and mine's relationship, we're like those siblings that tell each other they hate each other as a joke and laugh together about it.

"Okay... I can do this." I took a deep breath, making my way back to Xiaojun's room.

"Xiaojun..." I call for the older, knocking on the door softly. My heart was beating about 10x faster than usual.

"Yeah?" His voice was muffled, hard to decipher.

"Can I come in? It's y/n."

"S-sure..."

No turning back now I guess.

Xiaojun was in bed, curled up in the blanket. He wasn't on his phone or anything so it confused me a little.

"Can I talk to you about something?" I asked, taking small steps closer to the bed. He was facing towards the wall so I couldn't see his face.

"Can I talk to you about something too?" He mumbled, his voice sounding almost broken as if he's been crying.

"Y-yeah..." I turned to make sure the door was closed in case his thing was personal before walking closer to the older.

I stood awkwardly by the bed, not sure where I can sit or anything. "Umm... well, do you wanna go first?"

Xiaojun finally sat up and faced me, revealing his tear stained cheeks and red puffy eyes. He nodded, a small pout on his lips.

"You can sit." He motioned for me to sit on the bed beside him, his hands shaking slightly. "Y-you know how I get kinda sensitive when talking about my debut? S-specifically the fact I debuted later than majority of the members..."

(As a reader you may remember his sensitivity during the interview in the first few chapters. If you don't remember— don't worry I just remembered like last week and had to think of someway to bring it up again)

I nodded. We all knew about this, it was for Xiaojun's comfort so we didn't make him feel anymore uncomfortable. I always assumed he was sensitive about the topic because of insecurities or something.

"I... I'm ready to tell someone about it." He mumbled, another tear starting to slowly fall down his cheek.

I shouldn't be the one he tells this too... there are members he's closer to that he should tell first. Maybe it was because I showed up when he felt the need to get it off his chest?

"Well... they told me I had to work extra hard to be able to stay in the group. It's because I miss a lot of practice due to health issues and if I don't make up the lost time I may have my contract terminated... I don't want that to happen y/n..." I stayed quiet, letting him tell his story, ready to give him a hug or anything if he needed it.

"It's not physical health though so it's stupid... the other members will practice even after throwing up and I can't even fucking go to practice because of my brain!" He was crying again, throwing his hands around in frustration.

"I have a stupid problem all because of the bullies in school... they threw me to the ground and beat me saying I am too feminine or calling me the f slur..." my heart broke as he kept going, wanting to hold him but worried he would feel uncomfortable with hugs.

"They made me like this! Now every time I feel the slightest bit upset or unsafe or anything, I become... tiny..." Xiaojun let out what sounded like a whimper before he whispered for a hug.

I was quick to pull him into a hug, letting him cry into my shirt. "Hey, it's okay, it's okay... feeling tiny isn't bad okay, you are just as amazing as any of us and if they decide against that I'll terminate my contract as well, I'm not staying in nct if you aren't here and I can confirm many others would agree with me."

"B-but... they told me being a little is just me trying to get attention, they take my pacifier and stuffies when I have to stay home from practice because I slip..." Xiaojun was slipping as he talked about it, trying his best to hold on as long as possible because he's never slipped in front of any of his members before.

"If you were trying to get attention Junnie you wouldn't even try to hide it. And I'll buy you some more plushies and pacifiers, I'll keep them hidden someone and you can ask me for them if they take yours away." I rubbed the olders back, trying to show him it is okay if he slips, I don't except him to right now but I'll show him he can trust me anyways.

"W-what did you need to tell me?" Xiaojun mumbled, his crying calming down now.

"Oh I'm transgender, I was born in a female body." It was easy to tell him now, after he opened up to me like that I knew he wouldn't judge me for this.

✖️✖️✖️

sorry  for long author note

I had an idea for the Xiaojun thing from months ago but forgot what it was so I ended up making Xiaojun a little instead.

I have two options, 1: Xiaojun ends up telling everyone and they all become his caregivers collectively(this option will probably take away from the Kun x y/n stuff a little) or 2: Xiaojun tells everyone and only one or two of them become his caregiver(s) and this may or may not become a romantic relationship as well that depends on what you guys want(you can pick who is his caregiver(s) as well in the comments) this option will give more time for Kun x y/n which is what this book is supposed to be about💀

So choose wisely and if you choose the second option say who and if it's platonic or romantic(this is just for ideas I make choose something no one even suggests but oh well)