Dysphoria [q.k + trans!male!reader!]

007

"Y/n?!" Lucas shouts as he comes running into his shared room with Jungwoo. His whole body sweaty from running as fast as he could.

Jungwoo comes in shortly after looking the same, although he knows he's not the one I need. Once Jungwoo sees I'm not too far off he nods respectfully before leaving his own room.

My eyes are teary and my body is quite shaky, I guess I just need to get it off my chest. "L-Lucas, can you sit?" I weakly point next to me on his bed.

He sits down softly, a worried look on his face as he pulls me into a hug. He always knows how to comfort me, it's like he has a superpower.

"Y/n... do you wanna talk about it, or do you just need to hug?" Lucas asks, I was now sat in his lap, his arms wrapped around me, something we always do when I'm stressed or sad.

"I... I w-wanna talk..." I manage to say without bursting in tears. He nods slowly, rocking me back and forth in his lap.

"I-It's about earlier... when we were g-guessing baby photos..." I explain, taking a deep breath in order to contain my tears.

"I know it is... I saw the look of terror on your face when your photo popped up." Lucas confesses. Most of the fans think of Lucas as the hyper, giant baby of the group, but he can get very protective and he's really observant of others.

"It kinda... m-made it worse when M-Mark said the photo l-looked like a girl." Lucas tenses up slightly, almost unnoticeable.

"L-Lucas.... I'm Transgender. No one else knows except our manager, I was too ashamed to tell you guys, since you know, you're all real boys." I get straight to the point, closing my eyes shut tightly to avoid his reaction.

But there's nothing, no words or movement, I almost believed he left it if wasn't for his tight grasp around my waist.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask, my words almost coming out as a whimper.

"No!... I'm not mad sorry... I was just trying to think why you would tell me first of all people? Like why not Renjun, your best friend, or Yangyang you guys are really close too like siblings, or Taeyong, he babies you so much and he's the lead-" Lucas rambled, his grip around me tightening.

"Lucas! I told you first because when I was younger, my mom would always tell me family comes first, always tell your family your problems... yes all 21 of you are like family to me... but sometimes I forget you and I aren't actually biologically siblings, I forget you aren't my actually older brother. You are so protective and you know exactly how I'm feeling at all time, you put so much time into me and you don't even have time to offer! I feel like we grew up together and yeah me and Yangyang are like siblings, but I just think he's not the greatest when it comes to serious talk, he's more of the guy to cheer you up with sarcasm or jokes. You on the other hand know how to comfort me in times like these..." Lucas was tearing up, he knew all of this, but it always feels good for it to be said out loud.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all those rough times, y/n, you know you've always been a guy and you always will be. You have nothing to be ashamed of and you are just as valid as the rest of us. You take as long as you want, but please tell the others, then we can be more careful in setting off things like this. You know we love you right?" I giggle softly at the end, tears blocking my vision.

"Yeah I know, and I love you all too.... by the way, I also have a tattoo no one know about." Lucas' eyes widen and I giggle at his reaction.

"You have a what?! Where?!" He shouts, looking me up and down as if he's just missed it the past years.

"It's right here." I lift my shirt up, showing off the floral pattern across my chest.

"Oh wow, that's actually really beautiful." Lucas is in awe, he moves his hand to touch it but I shy away for no one has ever touched my scars besides the gloved hand of the tattoo artist.

"I know, that's why I got it."

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This made me cry! I want to medically transition so badly but I'm too scared to tell anyone I'm even trans, and my dad isn't supportive of LGBTQ+