Dysphoria [q.k + trans!male!reader!]

110

"I can't do it!" Shotaro screamed, falling to his knees in the corner of his room. Sungchan turned quickly, giving me a look before leaving the room with tears in his eyes.

"I'm not fucking going!"

"Shotaro..." I called softly, taking a few steps forward. When Sungchan texted me saying Shotaro was scared for his surgery, let's just say I didn't expect it to be this bad.

"You can't make me! You can't make me!" He screamed again, throwing his arms around in my direction when I got closer.

I refrained from saying anything else, wanting to calm him down first before he hurt himself. I grabbed his wrists, a little rougher then I had meant but that finally got him to look at me.

Shotaro continued thrashing around, trying to get his arms out of my hold. He had tears streaming down his face, a look of pure terror in his eyes.

"Taro, please calm down. I don't want you to hurt yourself let's just have a talk, okay." I attempted, fully sitting myself on the ground beside him now.

He shook his head quickly, curling in on himself and scooting farther into the corner of the room. "I can't do it, y/n, I can't."

"Why can't you?" I asked when he let out a sigh of defeat, his movements slowly down quite a bit.

"What if I just made this all up? What if I really am just a girl and I only want attention or something."

Oh.

He was starting to sound like me back in highschool. "Want me to use she/her pronouns then? Or how bout you tell me your deadname so I can call you that too."

Shotaro let out another loud sob, his body going limp and falling into my arms. "I don't know why I'm so scared. My chest literally hurts with how scared I am."

"You're scared because you're finally getting this done. You've wanted this for how long, Taro? I was terrified when I got my top surgery, it was easier for the bottom surgery but even then I was still scared."  I reassured, making sure not to hug him too tight and let him do most of it.

He nodded slowly, wiping his tears only for more to fall. "I don't think I want bottom surgery though."

"That's fine. You don't need to get bottom surgery. But this top surgery, I know how badly you've wanted this. Besides, once it's healed if you still don't like it, I'll book you an appointment for a boob job so you can have your titties back." I chuckle, lifting a hand to wipe my own tears that had strayed.

Shotaro let out a small laugh as well, his breathing starting to calm back down.

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. I think I did it.

"Alright. Guess I have to go tell Sungchan we're still going." He sat up straighter, a smile on his tear stained face. I could still see the fear in his eyes, but it looks like we've gotten rid of enough of it.

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Thanks for the comments on the previous chapter guys<3
Love you all and I hope you guys are doing good as well