Dysphoria [q.k + trans!male!reader!]

103

"Y/n..." Yangyang's head peeks in from the bedroom door. I sit up, facing him with a smile, humming to let him know I'm listening.

"can we talk? Alone?" He adds the last bit, looking over at Chenle who was sat in his bed. Chenle was quick to look between us, knowing what Yangyang was implying and getting up to leave.

I watched as Yangyang took a seat beside me, fingers twirling together nervously. I had a feeling what this may be about, why he was anxious.

"How... how did you know you liked Kun?" He mumbled, barley audible.

I smiled again, my theory being confirmed by his question. "I just... knew? Kun apologized, we started getting closer, next thing I knew... I had fallen for him."

Yangyang stayed quiet, eyes focused on his hands in his lap.

"Love- or even just liking someone, it's different for everyone, you just gotta know what it means for you, Yang."

I know now that Kun had liked me long before I liked him, he just didn't know it himself at the time. He got scared, did stupid things... I don't want Yangyang to do stupid things, but I think he's starting to understand what he's feeling.

"I- I don't like anyone... I don't need to figure out what it means for me yet." Yangyang's voice was louder than before, more panicked like I caught him stealing a cookie from the cookie jar.

I chuckle, placing a hand on Yangyang's shoulder. "I think you are well aware of what liking someone means to you, Bubs. Now you just have to learn to except it."

I frowned when a I see a tear fall in his lap, thinking I had said something wrong.

"I don't want to hurt them... I want them to be happy and loved, but I don't know if I can give that to them." Yangyang paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I get angry easily, I've never been good at handling my emotions. I hurt Kun last year, I said horrible things but I didn't mean any of it... I don't want to say things like that to them."

I never did learn what Yangyang said to Kun that day, all I know is it had bothered Kun for a long time and that it ate Yangyang up.

"Why did you do it though? You did it because Kun had hurt me first, not for no reason... you may have handled it poorly but you aren't gonna hurt them. Maybe hurt others who hurt them first, we'll have to work on that one, but I know for a fact you'll treat them well." I hate moments like this, having to cheer Yangyang up. He's typically a carefree guy, maybe that's what makes it hurt more when he's upset.

Yangyang calmed himself, steadying his breathing before speaking again. "I... think I wanna be with them- both of them."

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