Remus Lupin Imagines

Anomie - pt. 1

There is always a backstory to every character in a book. There is always past of it, loneliness of it, trauma, broken dreams, revelation, realization, grief, love, joy, craziness, balance, pressure, anxiety, morality, immorality and last but not least there is another character shaping the other.

And before we start into the story, let's describe our character. Me. Who am I? What is going inside my head? How do I see the world?

Answer #1: I am a daughter. I have always been a daughter and nothing more or nothing less. I was barely a sister, never truly a friend. I was anomie; craziness in your mind because of your past was the shortest and the most understandable definition.

Answer #2: Screaming. Scratching. Searching. Losing.

Answer #3: Like heaven and hell but those are just words to me. The closest I got to heaven was- when? I don't know. I am getting confused now- paranoid- anxious- here it comes again.

"Hi." someone was standing above me. I could feel the space between my eyebrows draw together. "You're sitting on my book." he smiled awkwardly but terrified at the same time. I only glanced with my eyes at the table. He turned, smiled awkwardly again, grabbed the book and left with the simple 'sorry'.

There he was. Walking by my younger brother. Weird; calling him a brother. We walk past like we have never met. He has something on his mind as well. I can see it because of his hand. He keeps twisting his watch. All three of us have a twisting thing. My older brother twists his necklace, I twist my ring and my younger brother twists his watch. He is the closest to our father. Father twists his whole wrist so the whole bracelet twirls around it.

I like my father. He was the nicest one to me. Maybe because I am the only daughter he will ever have.

Here walks my older brother with his friends, beaming and careless. Fucker. He left. He just left.

And there was a gift I always had. Reading lips was easy. I could form a sentance. I didn't like the first sentance.

"Your mom is fantastic. I love her-" I turned away immediately. No. Traitor!

I could feel myself get furious all over again. Sad? Heart-broken? Lonely- No. Never lonely when he was around; My heart opened with butterflies flying out and I felt a smile curve my lips.

"Hey." he smiled, wrapping his arms around me. I swear he felt so soft. He felt warm, he felt like clouds and music. He felt like peace but at the same time he felt like chaos. "I saw you doing it again." he pulled away.

"I know." I looked shamefully away but he pulled me back to look at his warming smile.

"I just don't want you to get upset. Your smile is heavinly. World should see it." he smiled. I smiled.

"World should see yours." I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him. He kissed me back- always so tender- always so sweet.

That was him. Remus Lupin. He doesn't know what really happens to me and I really don't know what happens to him. It's that something- something dark that makes us so perfect together.

But bread likes to crumble and so does the the surrouindings around you.That was my fifth year and he broke me. He said it he doesn't like lying to my brother. I said to tell him the truth. He rather dump me because, of course, who wants and an anomic lover? Someone to shamefully look at. With pity. I said fuck those people.

I'm here.

I'm broken but I'm broken as whole.

This is who I am. Accept me.