Remus Lupin Imagines

Caring - pt. 4 - final part

You knew that you had wanted him to apologise. You knew that perhaps, you over-reacted in such thing, but you couldn't get it out of your mind. You couldn't get the words he had said to you, in your face or behind your back. You wish you could be somewhat like Chloe, but you are not. You are nothing like those pretty blonde girls that make all men swoon the moment she walks by. No, you're the kind of girl that loves advent Christmas trips, without the beer, without the liquor with family, but you're also the kind of girl who would say yes, if her friends would want her to do something stupid. You weren't that typical reader, to read books in the library all the time, but you also weren't the kind of girl that would put so much makeup and take care of her hair every day for the rest of her life.

You were something in the middle or maybe something out of that range. Remus seemed to be both of those characters. In the beginning, he has always been kind and reasonable. He has been funny and smiling with that cheeky smile of his but for the past few years, he has been nothing but an ass. Perhaps peer pressure has got to him and through all those years of being friends with Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, finally rubbed off on him. Perhaps he was the mastermind behind all of that and you were just another victim of those master plans.

Yet, you still believed enough for him to apologise to you.

»I'm sorry.«

It was as if somebody said it right behind your ear. Was it real or were you just in the most delusional states by now.

»(y/n)...«

You turned around and found him standing in the doorway of your room.

»How did you-.« you didn't know how to speak. »-how did you even get in here?!« you rushed to him, pulling his arm and looking out on the hallway if anybody saw that. You were not supposed to be having boys over in your room, just like boys shouldn't have girls over in their dorms. It was a school policy to which you knew people broke it, but you were not one of those people. »You shouldn't be here! You aren't allowed to be here.«

»Or what?«

»Or- I don't know. We might get in trouble.«

»We aren't doing anything.«

»If the Prefect sees us-.«

»I'm the Prefect.« he gave you a cocky smile and you narrowed your eyes at him, then rushed over to your bed and started to clean it up.

»You shouldn't have come here- not only because of the school policy, but because I don't want to see you just yet.« you said as you fluffed the pillows and threw them on the top.

»Are you really cleaning your room because you are having company right now?« he continued to tease you.

»Shut up.« you turned back to him and grabbed some pens and your journal from the floor, throwing it on the shelf of your night stand.

»I'm living with three other pigs, this is nothing.« he started to walk towards you, but you haven't noticed, since you continued to grab things from the floor because you practically did everything in your bed, except have a good night's sleep. As a student, your sleeping schedule is always a mess.

»Okay, so you're sor-.« you turned around and you were surprised by the vicinity the two of you had.

»I am.« he said, not touching you, not moving, only breathing and watching you. »To be honest, I didn't know how amazing you are since last night. I judged you because my friends kept pressuring me about you and- it... it wasn't you. It really wasn't you to be the one that was the reason, I didn't want to be with you.« he started to speak, not knowing where this was leading either and when he noticed the two of you were close, he took a step back and sat on you freshly made bed.

»I just made that.« you joked and he laughed.

You saw the torment in his eyes and you should be happy. You should be happy that he cares this much, that he is torturing himself for you, but that just wasn't in your heart. You weren't that kind of person and you realize that at the moment you saw him torture himself for not having any feelings for you and having to treat you this badly.

You sat by his side, wanting to touch his hand, but resisting the urge. »I understand.« you replied and looked away. »It's silly anyway... all this crushing and fancying. So I liked you and it was obvious- and I might have been annoying.«

»No.« he laughed and placed his hands on top of yours. He couldn't resist the urge, but it was something so naturally to him; to take your hands into his when he was trying to explain himself to you. »You're the one person that does understand me.« he said, but that hasn't explained anything to you. »I'm horrible at this.« he closed his eyes and tried to focus. There was a loud silence as he opened his eyes and looked deeply into yours. »I...« he paused, feeling something get caught in his throat. He cleared it and repeated. »I... have... feelings for you.« he said as if that would explain everything.

You watched him. You didn't know whether to believe him or to think this was the prank he wanted it to be. It was as if you couldn't trust your own brain.

Noticing the conflict behind your eyes, he tried again. »You weren't annoying. I was annoyed by every single thing in my life. I still am. I am grumpy, restless, annoyed person. I'm a horrible person, (y/n). In fact, my life is filled with so many problems that I cannot face and then you come into my life and you're so bright. You seem so light on your feet and you smile at me, every single time, with that bright smile of yours and you seem to have all the solutions. That was what annoyed me. It annoyed me that you were everything I wanted to be, you are everything I want because when I am with you, I feel like I don't have a care in the world. I have a feeling that I can trust you with everything- I have a feeling that you're my person and it took me so long to see it.« he continued to look into your eyes and trying to figure out what was going on behind them. »Please say something.«

It was as if that last three words brought you back from your train of thoughts and if you were honest with yourself, you hadn't processed much. »I just... I just wanted you to apologise.« was all that you seemed to say and he smiled, laughing.

»I think I can't apologize more than I already did, but I can keep going.«

You smiled, looking into his eyes and placing your hand on his cheek. »Okay.«

»Okay?« he smiled but hadn't got a clue what that meant.

»Okay, I forgive you.« you said. »And okay, I'd like to see where this goes.«