𝐄𝐗𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄 | Y.JH. [✓]

#47: I can feel it, I can feel you

XX/XX/XX

'This just came in, there was just an attempted kidnapping of a victim named Kang Hayoon. The girl was reported missing around the afternoon of today and was later tracked to an abandoned warehouse... Also being the same warehouse where another unrelated victim was found too.'

'The female victim was saved and there were no injuries committed. But another male teenager was severely injured instead, a teenager who says tried to save the victim from its kidnappers. Authorities were also confused about how the teen passed through them but there still weren't any comments regarding that concern.'

'There still wasn't much news about this case, so we hope that we will be able to update all of you about it tomorrow.'

...

The hallways were plain quiet back at the night I sat alone outside of your hospital room. I remember trying my hardest to find anything to distract myself but I can't think of anything, that's why the plain white tiles they used for the hospital floors were still vivid to me on how much time I stared at them.

I still feel how I softly caressed my upper arms with both of my thumbs too, but I stopped when Wonwoo got out from inside your room.

"Hayoon... are you done with the nurse?"

Instead of sitting beside me, he squatted his level down and met me at my eye level. I was a bit flustered but it wasn't still enough to get my mind off from all of my worries on that day, it was all drowning me deeply.

"Yeah... she just patched a bruise I got from the incident and said I was fine to go. I've already told my parents through the phone to pick me up here." I mumbled and bit the inside cheek of my mouth.

"That's good to hear." He soothingly mumbled in return. "I'm really happy that I arrived in time when those guys took you... well... not really... but you know what I mean."

As the clock ticked, Wonwoo still didn't move from his position and stayed. I recalled him examining my whole presence first and paused when his eyes landed in both of my hands, taking them and holding them as gently and as caring as he could.

"I should've not questioned you when you called, I should have arrived early to you, I should have not hesitated and put you first." He gave me a shaky sigh. "If I did all of that, you shouldn't have experienced all of this."

"I can't imagine you getting hurt, because it surely hurts me." He added.

On this day, I now knew what he truly meant. Same with all the meanings behind his sentences.

But back on that suffocating and tragic day, my mind didn't have the time to think about him nor everybody. I was so focused on your well-being that it has the whole space of mind occupied for you.

But do you know what's the thing that stung me more?

I missed the moment when they said you had your final breath, the moment that you probably closed your eyes for the last time, and especially, 

your final words.

And... I had to know about your death through just a call on the telephone. And all of my different old emotions colliding with each other at that moment can't still be never forgotten to this day.

Why is the world so cruel to let me feel this much sorrow?

After I learned about your passing, I've forced dad to drive faster to your hospital. As we arrived, I flashed through the crowd to go to that exact one room...

Just to see two nurses rolling you out outside. 

Lifeless.

With a long white piece of fabric covering your entire body, my hands trembled as I attempted to touch the smooth cloth. A part of my fingertips almost reached for it— But I was unfortunately discontinued from doing the action thanks to your half-brother.

Yes, Mingyu suddenly came clean.

"Hayoon, if you can't still handle it, don't do it. It will just break you more." Mingyu's harsh grip took back my hand, despite his words sounding concerned.

My mind probably thought Mingyu had that pitiful look I eternally hated so I didn't look at him. I gave my brain the job to think about what I should do and so after glancing to the end of the huge blanket, I retreated.

A big deep sigh and small sniffles were present while I allowed the nurses to let them do their job. I heard Mingyu gulp which caused me to look at him, not expecting him to quickly pull me to a warm and consoling hug.

"Mingyu, do you think we'll be really fine without him? Is this really for the best..?" I questioned his last intentions slowly while sobbing.

"I-I... I don't know Hayoon. But I do think we'll need to move on at the end of the day, right? We'll be all here for you Hayoon, just talk to me or us whenever you feel... the worst you can ever be." Mingyu tried his best to comfort my sad state, me totally buying it.

My whole vision became blurry and gloomy. Sadness and more cries for comfort were all over the surface and it was even visible to the other clueless witnesses scattered further off the hallway.

'Is this really it... for us?'

I eventually went home with the fear of what's going to happen next accompanying me. A few weeks have already passed since the kidnapping and they already said that they cremated you to ashes. Mingyu and I talked for a while after he told me about it and decided to set you free near the Han river.

Do you just feel the memories flow, Jeonghan?

As of today, I sat quietly on the grass of the same river. I fiddled around with the ring you gave me in this exact place and admired the people around. During my small sight-seeing, someone decided to surprise me.

"Found you, I knew I'll see you here!" Inha greeted me with a big smile, instantly taking the space beside me.

"You? I didn't remember telling you that I'm going to go here?"

"Yeah, but Mingyu remembered." Inha chuckled.

"Well, that explains your presence."

I and Inha talked with each other to kill some time about some things we were up to. She also informed me of the ongoing trials of you and Mingyu's father and how your brother is trying to shut down every one of his dirty businesses for good.

He and Mr. Jo are also trying to find out what truly happened to both Mingyu's mother and Yoon Aeri, your mother. It still remains a mystery but who knows?

There were times that I couldn't help looking at the past. I sometimes pretend that you're still alive somewhere thinking of me too. 

Wonwoo tells me that it's unhealthy but I don't care. 

Do you also remember those 4 days you tried to get my heart?

"Don't leave me, promise?" You once said before combining our pinkies together.

.

.

.

But Jeonghan, why did you leave me here then?

Is it too late to tell you that you were able to make those simple days the greatest and treasured moments of my life?

Do you really need to slip away like that?

.

.

.

"I'm sure this isn't still the end, Jeonghan." I spoke.

"I can feel it, I can feel you."