Jess lay in bed awake. She looked over at the clock. 4:30am. Once Charlie left it had taken a while to calm the situation. No matter what anyone said, Jess still thought this was her fault. She was the one who had got pregnant, maybe she had wound Maria up. Of course Karen was having none of it. Now Jess had lay in bed for hours not being able to sleep. Final coursework deadlines were approaching and she was all over the place. Worse still...she still had to go to school tomorrow and face her Dad and Maria, this wasn't going away.
Slowly she sat up. There was no way she was sleeping tonight. Everywhere she looked reminded her of what was going on, the whole house reminded her of her Dad. She chucked a hoodie on top of her pyjama's and went downstairs. She flicked on the kitchen light and sat wondering what to do. The only sensible option seemed to be a bowl of coco pops. Jess found it amazing that even now she was 17 there were simple things that made her smile, coco pops and dairylea sandwiches being the main. She poured milk on to the cereal and took the bowl into the front room.
Sitting on the sofa she looked around the room. Not much had changed in the years they had been here. The kids in the photos had got older, and the furniture had got smaller. Jess snuggled into the sofa and tucked her legs under her body. While it was still home, and she still felt safe there was something that didn't seem right. She was having a baby, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to bring them up here. There were too many painful memories, but how was she meant to tell anyone that. It wasn't exactly something to drop into a conversation. 'Hey Mum, can we move house because this one reminds me of Dad.' Great. She felt bad enough that her Mum couldn't even enjoy the fledgling relationship she had with Rob. Neither Bex, Harry or herself could remember the last time they had seen her look so relaxed and comfortable. He was really good for, and Jess felt that because of her she wasn't able to enjoy it.
She had finished the bowl of coco pops and put the bowl on the floor. She stood up and walked towards the shelf with all the photos. She picked up her favourite, it was the first photo they had done without Charlie. It was just after Karen's birthday and it was completely relaxed. They were all laughing and they looked like a family. Jess heard herself sob. Not because of what she wanted, but because of everything she felt she had. What if that was ruined because of her. She put the photo back and wrapped her arms around her stomach. The sobs became a little louder and before she knew it there were floods of tears rolling down her face.
Karen knew that no one could ever explain the bond between a mother and a child, but she did know as soon as she woke up that something was wrong. She got out of bed and quietly worked her way round their rooms. Bex and Harry were in bed, Jess wasn't. She wasn't really surprised. While they had tried to calm Jess down after Charlie's outburst she knew that there was still so much going through Jess' mind. Starting with having to go to school tomorrow. Times like this Karen wished that she could just be a Mum and leave the head teacher behind. If she wasn't head and Charlie wasn't a teacher then this would be easier on everyone. She had tried to talk to the LEA about moving Charlie and Maria. However she had been told quite bluntly that they were both teachers at the top of their game and that was what Waterloo Road needed. So unless if was by their own decisions Charlie and Maria wouldn't be going anywhere soon. She walked down the stairs and saw Jess stood in the front room. Even from her back it was clear to Karen that Jess was crying. She simply walked behind her and turned her before wrapping her arms around her. "I'm sorry Jess."
Jess didn't fight her Mum at all. In fact she felt so much safer with her there. She didn't want the hug to finish. Eventually her sobs quietened and she was able to speak again. "I love you Mum."
Karen smiled, she kissed Jess' forehead. "Couldn't sleep huh?" The empty bowl on the floor caught her eye. "Coco pops. Some things wont ever change."
Jess laughed. "You know me too well." She pulled back and wiped her eyes. Thankfully it was night time so she didn't have to worry about her eye make up going everywhere. "Sorry Mum..."
Karen stroked the stray hairs away from Jess' face. "I really wish you would stop apologising. None of this is your fault. Everyone makes mistakes right...even me."
Jess giggled. "Sure?"
Karen sighed. "I know, hard to believe, but everyone does it, and it's how you deal with them that matters. You've made your decision and I'll stand by that whatever. I can't make anything better with your Dad. I don't understand his choices, but I can't change them. But none of this is your fault Jess...you've been physically and mentally abused by Maria and that is wrong...what would you say if Vicki told you her boyfriend was hitting her?"
Jess shrugged. "That she should get out of there soon as...but it's different..." Jess wanted to look away. How could she explain it. "I feel so ashamed of it, like I caused this. Everything breaks up around me."
Karen looked at her younger daughter. It frustrated her that she couldn't see what an amazing young woman she was becoming. "I want you to do something for me...we all have to go to school tomorrow, but I need you to keep your head up...none of this is your fault ok. We will talk this through more, I promise...but right now you need at least some sleep."
Jess nodded. In her head she knew that what her Mum was saying made sense. "I think...I think I know that it's not me, but I just don't understand why Dad would...well why he would pick her."
Karen nodded. "I'm sorry that I can't change it." She reached out her arms to give Jess another hug. "I promise it's going to be ok. I love you sweetheart."
Jess looked at her Mum. It still amazed her how much of a rock and support she was being. "Thankyou..."
