When I hear my alarm go off, now at seven in the morning instead, I actually have a good mood. I'm excited to hang out with the girls at the mall. It's going to be like, the whole day, and I'm allowing myself to get some fast food or some junk food. I've lost twenty-one pounds, I deserve it. But I may throw it up later.
Since I know it will be hard for me to eat so that none of the parents get suspicious, I take my Fluoxetine, Cymbalta, and Venlafaxine. It may help. I dress in a yellow top with a cinched waist, blue denim shorts, and black sneakers. Mom helps me put my hair into two space buns, and I apply some lip gloss. I'm not going to be on the air, so I won't wear a lot of makeup, but I want to look nice in case we get any fans. You don't have any fans, Lilliana. Nobody likes you and it's what you deserve.
We're meeting up at ten o'clock, so we have some time before we have to get to the mall, so of course, Mom makes an actual breakfast. Bacon and eggs. The egg only has ninety calories, and the single bacon slice has forty-three calories. One hundred thirty calories. Not bad.
"We're taking Hannah and Ms. Ann to the mall in half an hour," Mom informs, and I give a thumbs-up before I wash my dish and head back into my room.
I'm praying that I won't get dizzy in the mall. I want to have a good day. I also hope that I'll find clothes that I'm not swimming in, but I won't look fat. I'm just glad we probably won't be going on any beaches because I'll have a breakdown if anybody sees me uncovered that much. Mom's packing one just in case, but luckily, it's a one-piece. At least it's better than a bikini.
I hope that I'll be able to find everything I need. It's crazy that we can't even reuse any outfits, and there are ten different outfits. I estimate all of my jewelry will come from Claire's. And I estimate all of my calories will be gone when we stop for some fast food.
I don't have any schoolwork to do, since this kind of counts as a "spring break," so I spend the time watching old cartoons and talking to my family. As usual, it's bittersweet.
I hate lying to them. They haven't seen me in a couple of weeks, and I took extra precautions to make it seem like I was fine, so they still don't know about my eating disorder. But I love talking to them. I won't see them for another two months, so their voices are all I have.
"Lilly! Time to go!" Mom shouts from the other side of the apartment.
"Coming!" I shout, quickly readjusting the white scrunchies holding the space buns in place as I rush out of my room and into the living room, excitement bubbling up inside of me.
"Jesus, Lilly. Slow down," Mom warns me.
Your friends probably don't want to hang out with you anyways, Lilliana. You aren't funny or sweet or anything. Just their pity friend. My excitement and my speed immediately stop and I slowly walk to the door.
"Ok, have some energy. I don't like to see a sad Lilly," Mom pouts, rubbing my shoulder as we walk to the elevator.
If only you knew, Mom. If only you knew. As if luck is on our side today, Hannah and Ms. Ann get in the elevator with us, so we don't have to wait for anybody.
"I hope I get stuff that I don't swim in," I whisper to her, and she weakly smiles.
"I just hope that I can find everything. Hot Topic is definitely going to be my hotspot," Hannah exclaims.
"Nothing inappropriate girls. Not too much stomach and nothing too short, remember?" Ms. Ann reminds us.
Your stomach is big anyway, Lilliana. You shouldn't showcase it because everybody will truly see how big you really are. I nod in the understanding of the rules, and before the conversation can continue, the elevator doors open.
YOU ARE READING
Une Fleure Fanée
Fanfiction***MATURE WARNING*** "The hunger is good. You had too many calories already. You're already fat." "They'll love you even more when you're skinny. You'll be their perfect little angel when you're nice and pretty." "Lilly, I heard you puking up the c...
