𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 | louis partridge

twenty nine

oct 8, 2020
LOUIS' POV

to put it simply, i felt like i had been hit by a train. or a bus. or i got stuck in the propellers of a boat and they tore me to shreds. 

what i'm trying to say is that y/n being so upset with me just ruined me.

i'm not going to try to justify my actions. i just want to explain why.

i had to move at eleven, and i didn't even know about it until that day when my mom packed up most of my stuff and we left. i don't know why it was a secret, it just was.

i didn't know how to tell y/n. so i didn't.

when i finally decided i wanted to, she got a new phone number.

as simple and stupid as that.

she was still pissed at me, and i couldn't blame her at all. she still wouldn't speak to me, and her friends ignored me too.

i just wanted us back, you know? i wanted to lay down and watch movies with her again. sure, we had barely been broken up, but i miss her so much.

she was my pretty girl, just mine. and, yeah, i loved her. i loved her so goddamn much. she lit up my world.

so, as i fell into step besides lilia walking into the school building, i hoped she would help me get back to y/n.

"lilia, please. can you tell y/n that i need to talk to her?" i pleaded, fixing the strap of my backpack so it didn't fall off of my shoulder.

she side eyed me and kept walking, her pace getting faster. "no."

"lilia-"

"i said no." she snapped, turning into the restroom.

i sighed and ran my hand through my hair. olivia latched onto my arm. "trouble in paradise, louis?"

"that wasn't y/n, that was lilia." i said, continuing to walk, olivia still hanging onto my arm. she had broke up with her "girlfriend" (shocker), and apparently she wasn't so sure in her sexuality anymore (also, shocker).

"oh. well, still. are you having problems?" she asked, her bottom lip poking out a tad.

i looked down at her. "clearly."

"no need to be an ass, louis, i was just asking. well, i just think that maybe you should give up on her, y'know? let the past go?" she suggested, her hand trailing down my arm, getting closer to my hand.

i stopped walking and turned to fully face her. "i'm not into you, olivia. never have been, never will be. i'm especially not going to be into someone who thinks it's okay to fake a sexuality when convenient. so, if you don't mind, i'd rather not talk to you anymore, yeah?"

as i walked away, i heard her whine my name, but i just kept on going. i was done with her bullshit. as soon as y/n and i are getting together she puts herself on a leash, but whenever y/n and i separate the leash snaps and she's on me like a rapid dog.

in science i kept glancing over at y/n, but she was always in conversation with lilia or staring off into space.

in second period geography i saw amandla, but they wouldn't open their mouth at all. they just wouldn't talk to me, so i knew i met a dead end there.

at lunch, i tried to speak to y/n, nothing.

and in english, i sat behind her. i had to stare at the back of her head and just wish that i could tap her on the shoulder and dive into conversation.

and then it seemed like mrs. collins somehow knew that i was suffering and needed to speak to y/n, because she had an announcement.

"our next assignment over macbeth will be a partner project, and i am assigning the partners." she said, pulling out a sheet of paper. "when i call you and your partner's name, push some desks together so you may work. there will be absolutely no partner swaps, so don't even ask."

she went down the list, until, finally, i heard my name. "louis, you'll be with y/n."

oh my god. this is a miracle.

i saw her shoulders stiffen.

i stood up and got the desk next to y/n's a row over and pushed it next to her's, leaving a small gap between them because i knew that she probably didn't want me all that close.

i pulled out a sheet of lined paper and my laptop, jotting our names down on the top of the sheet.

i glanced over at y/n, who was looking down at our names on the paper. i swallowed and logged in.

"um, so." i said, breaking the silence.

she didn't say anything.

"please, come on y/n we have to do the work. i won't bother you." i said, pulling up google slides. we had to do a book report on macbeth.

she pulled out her laptop. "alright." i shared the slides with her, and we worked in near silence, only speaking to say who's covering what.

on the paper i wrote down the key points we had to cover, and she just checked off the ones she did.

and we just worked until it was time for our next class, which we had together. pe.

she split away from me as soon as possible, going over to amandla.

andres saw me alone and came over to me, his shoulder bumping mine. "hey."

i looked over at him in surprise. it was kind of funny how i really didn't like him, but there he was, the only friend of y/n's that would speak to me. "hey, andres."

he nodded towards y/n. "i can help you. listen, she's been wanting to go on a picnic. like a nice, cute little picnic. if you wanna get on her good side, maybe try to invite her to one. then explain yourself."

"for real?" i said, surprised i was finally getting the help i needed.

"yeah, dude. i'm not lying to you, she genuinely wants to go on a picnic. make it happen for her."

-

so, whenever i went home, i already had a plan in mind. i found my mother in the kitchen as soon as i walked through the door, ready to spill my plan to her.

"we have a picnic basket, right?" i asked, leaning against the island counter.

"yes, why?" she asked, putting away some glasses.

i explained the situation with y/n.

my mother tsked. "you really messed up, louis. listen, i can help you put the picnic together, but it's on you to see if she'll come. you better hope you didn't mess this up big time."