Happier Than Ever|B.E|

Questions: Chapter 25

Hello!
I messed up the chapter #'s and no one was gonna tell me? 🙄 wow some world we live in. It's ok, I forgive you. I fixed it don't worry.
TW: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM
This was surprisingly therapeutic. I hope you like dis. It means a lot to me.
——————————

"What's up Fin?" I answered the call groggily. "I'm sorry did I wake you up?" He asked apologetically. "Yeah it's fine, what's wrong?" I asked again.

"How's the movie going?" "It's fine, been shitty. You know just being ignored by the only person I don't wanna be ignored by." I started tearing up.

I quickly covered it up and took a deep breath to not sob into the phone. At this point we're basically broken up. She doesn't answer and when she does they're short replies.

When I call she doesn't answer, and when she does she makes up excuses to hang up. I know she's hurting I feel her tap the bracelet. Yeah, we still wear them.

Maybe it's accidental, but I'm trying to convince myself it's not.

We have one more month for this movie. I am now dreading going on tour with Billie. What is she gonna say to me? Is she gonna say anything?

She probably wiped me from her memory. I mean I don't mean to toot my own horn, but it's pretty fucking hard to forget me.

I talked to Fin and Maggie for thirty minutes before they had to leave. I don't care if Billie doesn't answer I still text her. She hasn't blocked my number.

This is so weird. I stared at my phone with the little bit of hope I have left...and nothing. Fucking nothing.

Zendaya waltzed into my trailer. Yes I took a nap, I was tired. "Hey bitch what are you doing?" I immediately changed my facial expression, I don't want them to know about my problems.

I feel like a burden. I already feel like a burden to the girl I love the most in the whole world.

(Pls don't say my name pls don't say my name...Darla)

"Nothing, why?" "Wanna hang with us?" She asked hopefully. "Sorry Z I'm tired, I'm gonna go home and sleep." She didn't question me which I'm thankful for, although I'm sure she didn't believe me either.

I quickly packed my shit and went to my temporary home. I checked in with the dog sitter making sure all my babies are ok.

All she said was that Shark was a bit more whiny than any other day. I sat on my couch thinking about anything I did wrong.

Maybe I didn't try enough. Maybe she doesn't love me anymore. She hasn't said it back in a month, and when she said it it seemed fake.

I feel numb now. It's not snowing anymore in New York but it's still cold. I was just wearing a thin hoodie and shorts. I quickly put on some shoes and walked outside.

My nose instantly becoming cold. I left my phone in the airbnb, only grabbing the keys. My fingers immediately turned white.

The familiar feeling of not feeling making me feel better. (lmao) This is bullshit. My legs were cold. The cold air going up my shorts, making me shiver.

This hurts. The permanent goosebumps on my skin. I deserve this. I'm a disappointment. I can never do anything right.

My parents were right. They always were. I remember the first time I cut. My mom pressured me to tell her why.

I cried to avoid her question. I preferred crying in front of my mother than telling her why I did what I did.

After that day I promised myself I wasn't gonna do it again. I broke that promise. I broke that promise so hard. Bleeding on my bathroom floor, quietly sobbing so no one heard.