our little secret | sapnap x reader fanfiction

.24. nick

It's lightly drizzling when I get outside, but I don't care. I'm just glad to make it to my car before I start crying. Hot, angry tears stream down my face. I sit in my car for a moment to think through all that's happened.

Clay is angry. He's angry that we hid our relationship for so long, and he's angry that we never told him.

But at the same time, he shouldn't have told us that we weren't allowed to date. He should've let us be adults who make grown up decisions.

Heat rises over my thoughts of Clay. I have never been more angry at him than I am right now.

My anger pushes out the compassion I have for my old friend. We're supposed to be there for each other always, but we're also supposed to support each other's decisions.

But he's not supporting me, so I don't have to be there for him.

Right now, I need to find Nick. He didn't really get the chance to grab his keys, so his car is still here. He couldn't have gotten far on foot.

I drive slowly down the road towards the neighbor entrance. I can make out the shape of a figure sitting on the curb. I'd recognize that shape anywhere.

Nick.

I pull over and walk towards him. The drizzle of the rain starts to pick up.

"Hey stranger," I say as I walk up.

He doesn't respond. He sits there with his head in between his knees.

"Nick? You okay?" I ask, tapping his shoe with my foot.

He doesn't respond.

"Listen, I know that tonight was hard, but we'll figure this all out." I sit down next to him on the curb, "But the important thing is that it's out in the open now. And he's really angry now, especially with me after I bitch slapped him, but he'll come to his senses." I chuckle a little as I think of Clay's face when I slapped him before I say, "We can finally be together. Out in the open."

"No we can't," Nick whispers.

My heart stops for a second, "What?"

He sits up to look at me. "Listen, y/n, we screwed up."

"I know, but we-"

"No, we screwed up," he interupts, "We shouldn't have ever gotten together when Clay said no, or at least we shouldn't have done it secretly."

My body feels empty. No, this cannot be happening.

"I mean, why do you think we kept it a secret for so long?" he asks but doesn't expect an answer, "We both knew deep down that it wouldn't work once it got out. So maybe that's all it really was. A fun time, but one that had to be a secret."

No no no. That's not all it was. It was more. It was stolen kisses and borrowed time. It was hiding in plain site. It was happiness. It was a relationship.

We were supposed to share that with the world.

"I know it's hard," he sighs, "And this is all my fault, and now we both have to suffer the consequences."

"Nick," I whisper.

"We both know I don't want to do this," he says.

"Then don't do it." I say simply. We both don't want to leave each other. This is not how it's supposed to end.

"It's for the best." he says with no emotion.

This is not for the best. This is for the worst. I just messed things up seriously with Clay. We fought like we've never fought before, and I'm not entirely sure we can come back from that. I might've lost Clay forever, and that is going to hurt.