our little secret | sapnap x reader fanfiction

.25. bag of chips

.one month later.

I sigh as I grab my apron from my dresser. My room is a mess. My entire apartment is a mess. My whole life is just a mess.

I set the apron down as I grab a quick snack for later from my pantry. I scan the shelves.

My eyes focus on Clay and Nick's chip bag, just as they have every single day for twenty-eight days.

My heart squeezes a little bit just as it does every day, but it's gotten less and less. Luckily.

I start to drive to work. Once Clay and I had our fight, we haven't talked. I haven't talked to either of them.

I don't work for Clay anymore. I decided it would be too uncomfortable, so I got a job at a diner.

The pay is low and it's not the most enjoyable, but it pays the bills. That's all that counts.

"Hey sweetheart," the cook says as I walk into the kitchen.

"Not today Danny," I say.

"You say that every day," he turns away from the stove to watch me.

I buzz in for ny shift. "And I'll continue to do it too," I give him a little smile.

"I won't give up you know," he gives me a half smirk.

"Sadly," I sigh as I grab a notepad, "I know that's true."

He chuckles as he turns back around.

Danny flirts with me every single day that I work, and every day I say no.

It's not that Danny isn't attractive. It's just that I'm in no way looking for a relationship.

And I hate that I think this, but it's nice to be recognized by someone.

I've kind of been blocked off to most people ever since the fight. I never realized how much time I spent with the boys until I had to fill the time holes.

I push the thought of them out of my head as I always do. i just need to focus on work.

I work a full, busy shift. I wait tables as people come in and out of the door.

I pass out burgers, fries, milkshakes. Anything that they want, I get for them.

I have rude costumers and nice ones. Good tips and no tips.

Faces fly by as I just get through the day.

"How can I take your order?" I ask a man in a gray shirt.

"Can I just get a chocolate milkshake?" he asks, shutting his menu.

I heard the bell above the door ring as it does every couple of minutes. I glance up to see if there's anyone to serve them. I see a girl in Dream merch.

The air is knocked out of me.

I struggle to catch my breath for a moment. I hate when this happens, when some th big unexpectedly reminds me of my heartbreak.

My whole body stops working for a moment, and I'm reminded of the emptiness I felt for weeks on end.

I thought I had finally gotten things under control. I thought I could think of them without my whole day being ruined. I thought I could live my life without interruptions.

I guess that's hard when your friends are famous youtubers.

"I'll get that right to you," I tell the man in the gray shirt.

I walk to the kitchen. I grab hold of the cabinet. I just need to get back on the right track and then I'll be fine.

"You good, y/n?" Danny asks hesitantly. I can see him set his spatula down to come over to me.

"I'm okay, don't worry." I say

"You sure? You don't look so okay." he goes to put his hand on my shoulder but chooses not to. He's probably not sure if I'd be comfortable or not.

"I'm fine, Danny," I take a deep breath and smile, "Really. I just forgot to eat and freaked out a bit."

"You go eat a snack then, and I'll take your tables," says one of the waitresses.

"Thank you," I give her a smile. I'm alright now.

I eat the granola bar I grabbed this morning at the diner's counter. Danny comes up to me with a thing of fries, "On the house."

I smile a bit, "You didn't have to do that."

"You're eating a granola bar." he gives my snack a look, "You need sustenance."

"Oh yes, and I'll definitely get that from the diner's grease." I roll my eyes, picking up a fry.

"Of course," he grabs a bottle of ketchup for me, "that's what nutrition is all about."

I laugh. "Thanks for the fries and for calming me down,"

"Anytime, sweetheart," he gives me a look, one that for once doesn't have a smirk, "I have to get back, but you take your time."

I nod. I finish my fries and turn to get off my stool. I run into the girl wearing the Dream merch.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." she says as she looks up from her phone.

"No it's my fault. I like your hoodie." I gesture towards the smiley face.

"Thanks, are you a fan of him?" she gives a big smile, happy to talk about something she loves.

How do I respond to that? It's a loaded question. Ex-best friend? Ex-employee? Someone who the opportunity to bitch slap him once?

"Something like that," I say as I retie my apron around my waist.

"Me too, obviously," she giggles, "well, I'll see you around!"

I wave bye before going back to work.

I throw my stuff on the couch. It's becoming a pile. Nobody could sit on it if they tried. I go through this cycle everyday and never pick anything up unless I need it again.

It's a sad life that I live.

I go to grab some noodles since that's the only thing in my pantry. I'll buy more later.

My eyes once again focus on the chip bag.

"Damn thing's been in here for a month, y/n," I whisper to myself, "You need to get rid of it. You got to move on."

I mean, I had to go on break just because I saw a total stranger wearing his merch.

That shouldn't be happening.

It's been a month. I need to move on.

Neither of them have reached out, and I have no plans to. I haven't seen or talked to them in a month. They're not even a part of my life anymore, but they're still affecting me every single day.

I look around my apartment. It's dark because I haven't opened the curtains. There's piles of clothes and blankets everywhere. I haven't done the dishes in ages.

I do a full circle of my apartment-of my life. Is this really how I've been living?

I'm a mess. I let my emptiness drive out every care I've ever had.

I turn back to the pantry and grab the bag of chips.

I need to move on.

I walk to the trash can. I take a deep breath.

And I throw the bag of chips away.

I throw out all the bad feelings I've had the past twenty-eight days. I throw out all the times I've cried and been hung up over an angry conversation. I throw out all the times I've wondered what they're been doing or almost driven by the house.

I throw out everything that's keeping me hung up on those boys because I need to move on.

And it all starts with a bag of chips.

.author's note.

i miss nick already.. wonder where he could possibly be?

.word count.. 1195