Moving Forward ✔

Ten

It was a cold, windy afternoon when we send off our parents at Rolling Hills Memorial Park.

All of the family members wore black except for us: Kuya Benson, Grandlolo and Me. We were clad in white as I clutched on to the white rose I have with me.

I never expected to say goodbye to my parents this early. I was used to kissing them on their cheeks even if I wake up on the bad side of bed.

The priest has said the mass and I was able to deliver my eulogy even if it was difficult for me. My voice was quivering as I talked. Kuya Benson succeeded to control his emotions while I couldn't. It was just too hard to take it all in.

Our relatives and close friends of Grandlolo in the business have bid their farewell and respect to our parents as well as their condolences to us. I could only muster a faint nod.

I just couldn't fathom what happened over the past weeks. I was thankful that all we have left in the school was the completion of clearance and final exams are scheduled a week after.

The connection our family has with the administrative office was used as we were allowed for a two-week leave. For awhile, it was advantageous but I still wouldn't be using it at all.

"Hey, Kuya." I was the one who broke the silence. He was oddly quiet lately.

Yes, he is loud and his silence is somehow, fairly understandable because he is grieving for our parents' loss.

But, I find it strange. I am afraid that he might be suppressing his emotions and have some heart attack because of it.

He looked at me with a blank expression and I rested my head on his shoulders. We were now standing in front of our parents' graves and I had the instinct to hug him sideways.

I felt him took deep breaths and pretty soon, his shoulders started shaking and we found ourselves crying for the parents we lose because of an untimely death.

We stayed there for a few minutes before he told me to go home and I nodded.

Our chaffeur waited for us patiently as he was instructed by Grandlolo. GL was kind enough to let us have our own time to breathe and treasure the moments left we have with our dearest parents.

Inside the car was a comfortable silence and soon, I was fast asleep at the backseat. I woke up with a light nudge by Kuya Benson and swollen eyes.

As soon as we stepped out of the car and was facing the mansion, I knew I must start to move forward and study hard to make our parents proud.

"Hey, Brit!" Christy's eyes met mine and her expression from cheerful turned to sympathy. She approached me with an empathetic smile and draped her arm over my shoulder in a short hug. "I am deeply sorry for your loss. Tita Prescy is such a wonderful mother. And so is Tito Hugh."

She pulled back from the embrace and I managed a tight smile. "Thank you."

"Do know that I am always here for you if you need someone to talk to." She added and we started walking towards the mansion.

For a moment, my steps were heavy as I remembered what transpired the other day at the living room. Just like before, cousins greeted us with hugs and small talks and I tried my hardest to be polite.

For a while, I just needed silence. It's not like I am ungrateful with them around.

Just a moment of silence to gather my thoughts to process everything.

Everything will be organized and systematic from now on since I will be handling our retail business back home.

After dinner, I excused myself to them telling them I am sleepy which they thankfully understand.

I went straight to my bedroom and opened my small journal where I kept my thoughts, plans and even dreams.

My eyes rested to a certain item on my bucket list.

🌏 Travel to Iceland with Mom and Dad and Kuya B
🌍 Grocery shopping with Mom

I sighed at the painful fact.

We can never do it now.

I only have Kuya Benson with me.

I shook my head and sighed. I flipped on to a blank page and wrote:

🖋 Enroll in Marketing at Stradborgh Uni
🖋 Enroll in a Crash Course for Business Administration
🖋 Manage B.B.H.P. on weekends.

I stared at it as if the impossible has been declared.

Clearly, it is.

I have to muster up all the inhibitions I have and be brave this time.

There will be no Mom to cheer me up. There will be no Dad to hug me when I feel so weirded out.

Yes, I still have Kuya Benson.

But we will be over than a thousand miles apart.

Which leaves me on my own.

Will I be able to accomplish them all?