SHOUT

Melissa

|Chapter 63|Melissa|

My parents are great. That's what I tell myself every morning, but deep down I know it's a lie. My parents are too busy. My dad is constantly going on business trips while my mom has a habit of working overtime at the office even when she doesn't need to. Most times she doesn't even come home. If I'm thinking realistically, she just doesn't want to come back home. I know she dreads seeing our faces, she just doesn't have time to be a mother to the kids she never raised. To her, we are just nuisances.

As the older sister, I grew up raising my siblings, I may have been young, but I was mature for my age, I had to be. Even though it's pretty messed up, I'm okay with it, I like being in charge anyways. I also want my siblings to have a good childhood, I want them to be guided in the right direction.

I have two sisters and one brother. My twin sisters Maya and Sydney who are 14 and my little brother Taylor who's 4. Mom and dad for some reason decided that neglecting three kids wasn't enough, they wanted four. They left me with three kids to raise while they went and lived their separate lives at work. I think they may be having problems within their marriage and that's why they don't meet much. I don't care though, I don't really even know them, they are just people I call mom and dad.

Growing up the way I did was difficult to say the least. I had to make sure that the kids had breakfast, then told them to make sure they ate lunch since I came out later than they did, I had to make sure they knew how to take the school bus, make sure they weren't doing anything bad, comfort them when they were going through stuff, teach them certain things parents should have been doing, heck I was basically a mom! I'd often go to bed exhausted and wake up the next morning feeling the same. Even though that's how my life was, I still managed to keep my shit together, I still kept my good grades, friendships, I still managed to live a decent student life. I admit sometimes I just wanted to not go home, I wanted to run away, but there were hopeless, parentless kids waiting for me at home. They were waiting to welcome me back home, they were waiting for me to cheer them up, tie their shoes, they were waiting for the only person that cared enough to be there. They were waiting for me, so I never left.

With my grades, I can go to a good university, I can get away from here, but my siblings rely on me, I can't choose to go to a great university, I can't dorm, I can't have a university life, but that's okay, I can just go to a college or university nearby. I know the teachers at school will be pushing me to go to a good school, but I have my life here and I have kids to care for because god knows what will happen to them if they have to rely on their absent parents.

Since they are a bit older now, I am able to stay at school a little longer and have my own social life, which is great, that's why I was so happy when the S.H.O.U.T. club was approved. I finally would be able to work on the things I loved, but things didn't turn out that way I guess. Regardless, I'm still happy with it, I've had more fun these days than I'd like to admit. The future is blurry, but the present seems pretty bright for me right now so I'm okay.

In some ways, it reminds me of when I first met Asen. We were in 8th grade and I was the first one to talk to him of course, but when he began talking back to me, I didn't feel so alone and in charge. I was able to let loose a little since he was a bit of a troublemaker. I felt like the kid I was and he never made me feel like I was too bossy.

But I also remember the day I had to let all of that go. The kids at school began to say I'd be a bad kid like him and I couldn't risk that. Call me selfish, I needed to be known as a good kid, if I were bad I wouldn't be able to be a role model for my siblings, I wouldn't be able to get into a decent college nearby and provide for them. So as always, I put my reputation first and began avoiding Asen. I was devastated about it but I thought had no other choice.

Eventually, he stopped showing up one day after days of coming to school all beaten up and isolated and I knew this was all my fault. I never expected the other kids to go that far, they lied to me. They said that if I left him they would leave him alone, well they didn't. Now I know where he went. That gap in middle school was him locked up in his room and I was to blame.

It was around this time that I met Mimsy. It was a rocky start with her but we eventually became very good friends. I knew when I met her I wasn't going to make the same mistake I made with Asen. I wasn't going to let people convince me I am making the wrong choices, not even my own self.

By the time we went to high school, everyone was situated on who their friends were and we were more mature. Then one day I saw him again. He looked different but so did everyone else this was the time we as teenagers were growing into ourselves.

The moment I saw him I wanted to talk to him or at least make him look at me. I missed our friendship. I missed what we had.

I wanted to catch up, I wanted to know where he'd been all this time but I was too scared to talk to him so I couldn't ask. All I knew was that he was miserable and that I was too.

When he left I went back to my old self, the girl who was too busy getting good grades and thinking about her siblings who needed her. There was no time to be a kid. Even when I met Mimsy there was still some weight on my shoulders. But despite not being like Asen, she still helped me let my hair down from time to time. The difference was that Mimsy was hardworking like me, she didn't have the goofy attitude Asen had so it was kind of hard to open up to her.

With time though, we became good friends and shared our problems, she was able to light the tunnel I'd been running in blind, even if the match was dim. By the time I gained the courage to talk to Asen, it was too late. Whenever I'd say anything he would either ignore me or spit out a snarky remark. He clearly didn't want to see me again and I didn't blame him. Regardless of that it still pissed me off so we stayed on bad terms. I didn't mind though, as long as he had the energy to fight with me, I knew he was at least okay.

But now he's spiraling back into his old ways and I can't bear to see that happen. He needs to make up with Joshie vice versa. Even though I like him too those two were basically meant for each other, they're just too dumb to realize it. I also need to apologize to Asen for past problems that were never resolved. I want us to put it in the past and end this old feud of ours, I want to start fresh.