SHOUT

This is Love

|Chapter 70|Joshie|

We sat there in silence both letting our confessions set in.

What now?

|Asen|

Joshie was sitting behind me. We were back to back and I could feel his warmth.

I did it. I told him that I liked him. Oh my god.

My face was boiling, my mind was racing, and my hands were shaking. I was feeling overwhelmed with these emotions. They were out in the open and I've never felt like this before. I didn't know what to do.

Say something! Why can't I say anything? This isn't like me!

I felt Joshie lean back on me and my mind went silent.

"So..." he trailed off.

I remained quiet. I was afraid that if I were to speak, something embarrassingly stupid would come out of my mouth.

He let out a sigh and got up and I worried that he was sick of waiting for me to talk, that he was leaving. I quickly turned around to look at him only for him to be squatting in front of me making us meet face to face.

"I-" he put my hood down and I went silent.

"I know I dumped my feelings on you but I don't want to stray away from the reason I came here," he looked at me with gentle eyes and it calmed me down.

"Right," I whispered trying to keep my focus on the conversation rather than my bubbling emotions.

"Asen, I'm really sorry about what I did, I let my insecurities get the better of me and ran away from you. It was so stupid of me."

I thought for a second, really thought about it, "It's okay Joshie, I forgive you."

"No, it can't be that easy, Asen think about it. I hurt you and made you close yourself off to everyone, this was serious," he had a grave expression on his face.

"Joshie, it's fine, really. I'm not just saying this for your sake. I know you're not the kind of person to do something like that for no reason. I mean, I was upset, I...it hurt-" I choked on a sob, "...What you did hurt me a lot." I felt my eyes burn with tears, "I'm sorry, this is-I...I don't know-" I rushed to wipe my tears but he stopped me and pulled me into a tight hug. "I'm so-"

"It's fine, just cry. You're allowed to feel this way," he rubbed my back in an attempt to calm me down but I just cried harder.

Gosh, I am making such a fool out of myself but I can't stop. It's like all my emotions are pouring out of me. It's like they've been waiting to be allowed to come out like this after years of suppressing them.

"I-I'm sorry this is probably pa-pathetic," I sobbed into his shoulder.

"It's not pathetic, it's okay," he reassured.

"Joshie, I'm sorry you have to see me like this, I promise this isn't because of you."

He pulled away to look at me, "Asen, there is nothing wrong with you feeling this way, I'm glad that you aren't just holding it in."

"Joshie...thank you," I tackled him with a hug and he fell off balance, "thanks for coming in even though I said no. If you didn't, I would still be self-loathing and sobbing all on my own."

|Joshie|

I hugged him back and I could feel his heart beating fast.

I cleared my throat, "What are, uh, friends for...?"