SHOUT

Good Friends

|Chapter 34|Asen|

Since Joshie agreed that we would continue working on his voice problem at his house after school we made our way there once club activities were over. So far our walk has been awkward and quiet.

I knew I shouldn't have done that. What if he thinks I'm gross?

My phone buzzed.

[Joshiebeans]:

When we get to my house I have something I want to talk to you about.

I felt my face go pale.

What does he want to talk about?! How did he find out so quickly? But that doesn't make any sense I don't even know what I'm feeling so how would he know?! Is he going to end our friendship even after the conversation we had in the bathroom? Did I take things too far? I don't want to lose him again...

I could feel my heart pound in my chest. A sick feeling took over me.

It was so hard trying to befriend him again, I never thought I'd see him after he disappeared, I never even had the guts to ask mom if she would see him when she'd go visit Ms. Burke. This whole time, growing up, I thought it was my fault he left, and maybe now that I see how things are going currently, I was probably right. Maybe I'm suffocating to be around. Hasn't it always been that way?

I could feel an overwhelming wave of sadness hit me.

I can't be feeling this way right now. I don't want him to feel bad for not wanting to be my friend. I have to calm down and just take it like a man.

With each step I took, I could feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. That stupid feeling I had long worked so hard to successfully ignore. I guess I let my guard down after seeing Joshie again. I suppressed the urge to sigh and contemplated whether or not I should just cancel today and just go home to self-loath. I opened my mouth to speak but at that same exact moment, Joshie grabbed my hand. I turned to look at him surprised.

He held up his phone. In his notes he had written, "You look worried. I'm not going to say anything bad to you, I just want to talk about something that's been on my mind."

When I finished reading the message I looked at him again, he smiled and squeezed my hand.

I could feel myself relax a bit.

He really has no clue what effect he has on my life, what effect he's always had.