How's the weather?

Chapter Sixteen

Trix <3

04/21/10

babe?  
04:27 p.m delivered.

did I do something wrong?

04:30 p.m delivered.

Please answer

05:16 p.m delivered.

04/22/10

I'm worried :(

06:04 p.m delivered.

Pls
06:25 p.m delivered

Katya are you okay?
07:13 p.m delivered.

-

The first two days were hell, she was trying to ignore Trixie and her friends but she always ended up showing how she felt by her actions. She had to make a thick wall between them if she wanted them to not know and to keep herself safe. 

Katya walked into school alone. Knowing Brian was watching her from somewhere in the hall. She was wearing black jeans and a grey big shirt, black eye shadow was smeared on her eyes. Katya had to stay stone cold to anyone who talked to her, ignore them, and evade them. She left her stuff in her locker and went to class.

"Katya, late again. You're about to reach the limit, and you know what ha-"

"Okay just call me if you need me to sign any paper or any shit like that" Katya said and sat down beside the window, at least none of her friends we're in this class. Katya took out her journal and pretended to be writing notes about the class. 

3rd day

Am I a bad person? anyone would be a bad person to keep themselves safe, right? doing this means having some kind of self-worth at least. Didn't know I had that!
This is the only thing I can "talk to". It feels so degrading to do this, the only person that can and will hear me is myself but now it comes with the embarrassment that I will experience when I re-read this in 2 years.

Anyways, I feel like I've been an asshole to Trixie (because I've been) but there's really no other option, the first day she tried to talk to me once. The second day she followed me while asking me what was going on. I guess she's a bit tired from that, I hope she is. It would definitely make my chore of building up a wall easier if I didn't have a reminder of what I'm losing every day. I don't even want to come to school anymore. I wanna go home and stay drowning in the growing mess that my room is. Maybe eating some Cheetos and watching a new ser

"Katya, What am I talking about?" The teacher brought the attention to the blond girl

"Uh..." Katya didn't have an idea of what she was talking about.

"I knew it, give me your notebook"

"No! what? I'll just leave it in my bag"

"I've had enough from you Katya!"

"Well be prepared to have more!" Katya stood up and stormed out of the class she took one last glance at the class, she noticed someone staring at her. Kim.
Katya walked out of the class and saw Brian standing in a corner, hiding in a corner. Katya heard steps coming from behind her, and then she turned around.

"What's going on Katya?" Trixie asked her.

"Nothing, I'm just going to the bathroom, if you let me" Katya rolled her eyes in the most not natural way ever and kept on walking towards the bathroom. Katya walked into one of the Bathroom stalls with all of her things and took out her notebook and a pen again.

I already forgot what I was gonna say in the last paragraph but I just talked to Trixie and oh my god I hated that. I hate even being subtly mean to her. I will definitely skip school a lot. I hope I get out of this, and I hope Trixie will give me a chance after this. She's not the one to forgive easily. I don't care how long it takes, I just want her back. Maybe one day I'll give her this journal.

If you are reading this, I'm sorry, so fucking sorry. I will never stop being mad at myself for this and I want you to know the truth so bad, so fucking bad Trixie. Violet's brother, Brian aka my rapist has me under a threat, he will rape me again if I say any of this to you or to our friends. I'm doing this to keep myself safe. All of this because they saw that stupid video we recorded on my dad's camera. And they also took my phone, that's why I don't answer any messages. I love you Trixie

And if you are never reading this then I just look pathetic. I hope you do, you deserve to know the truth.

Katya stayed the rest of the next class in the bathroom. Only got out at lunchtime, where she went to look for her food and came back to the bathroom stall to eat alone and "in peace".
She had to turn her brain off, she could do all of this being aware of it, being self-aware is the only thing stopping her. Hopefully, she won't have to worry about that if she stays home. She was also getting crazy with the cigarettes. From 10 a day to 30 a day. Every moment she could smoke she spent it smoking. She loved getting calmed down by them. But most of all this type of cigarette was what she had left of Trixie.

-

Trixie

I'm starting to get mad at her

She was mean to me today, in the hall

I asked her if she was okay and she eye-rolled and told me that it was nothing and basically told me to move out of her way.

Kim

Starting? Just now?

I mean something could be happening but she shouldn't treat you like that.

And also, don't feel bad for being mad at her. You totally have the right to feel mad.

Trixie

I guess

I just hope she stops acting like this soon

I don't wanna lose her.

Kim 

You're not losing her, she's losing you Trix.