Angels | Ghosts Of The Past 2 [BoyxBoy] ✓

32. 14.

Chase.

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It's a very sunny day today. I'm lying in bed staring outside through the window. I'm supposed to tell everyone about me and Sky today. I'm really nervous. I feel like Loren will definitely hate me after that. I don't even understand why I did it! I mean, yes I liked him. Yes, he looks like a god. But at the same time he was my sister's boyfriend! I was fourteen but I wasn't stupid. I knew what I was doing and I did it anyway. And Sky.. I understand how he could do it. I finally understand how it meant nothing to him. He just had no connection to sex. It had no meaning to him because of what happened to him. And somehow that makes it better. To know that it wasn't my fault. I hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't my under-performing.. At that time he was just trying to survive. He wasn't really living. I hate how all this shit had to happen for me to be able to understand that. 

I just never would've guessed. I never would've guessed that Sky had been sexually abused. He always seemed so sexually liberated. He always seemed so careless and free. It's funny how you never know what someone's going through from the outside. "You wouldn't want to be me.." He'd said. Now it all makes sense. 

How am I going to tell them after yesterday? 

I hear a knock on my door. 

"Come in!" 

The door creaks open. 

"Chase?" It's Loren. 

I turn to her. 

She joins me on the bed. 

"I feel really bad for getting so mad at you during Rose's christening. I didn't know.. about you. About what happened but still I should've tried harder.." Her eyes are puffy. She's been crying all night. "I know I haven't been a great sister to you.." 

I hug her. "Loren.." That's not her fault. I haven't been a good brother either.

"I'm gonna do better, I promise. Everything's gonna get better." She pulls away and grants me a smile. 

I'm at a loss for words. 

I'm just about to make everything worse. 

She kisses my cheek and leaves the room. Guilt eats away at me. 

× × ×

I'm sitting on the couch next to the window in the living room, watching out for Sky's car anxiously. He said he'd come in the morning. It's nine A.M. I tap my foot. Dad's in the kitchen cooking breakfast and Loren's upstairs taking a shower.

"I'm going grocery shopping." My mom says quietly, not making eye contact with anyone as she leaves the house. 

It's like a punch in the gut how she doesn't respond to anything anymore. She's so cold and distant now. Dad's always watching me. Loren's smiling like everything's okay. 

My family's falling apart and it's my fault. 

And I'm about to make it worse. 

I grab my phone. 

Chase: i dont think i should tell them

Chase: i mean i dont want to tell them

Chase: lets not tell then

Chase: them*

I anxiously wait for Sky to reply. I've been so stressed lately. I've been craving weed like crazy. But my dad's always monitoring me and I'm not allowed to go to school yet. What's also strange is that I got my clothes back from the hospital and the bag of pills I remember buying from Alex is gone now. I wonder who took it.