What Have You Done? Negan X Reader

Part One: Chapter Twenty-Three

It was a long, awkward, silent ride back to the Sancturary. (Y/N) sat in the back, not daring to say a word the entire time, keeping to herself, to the window. She leaned against it the whole ride home, eyelids fluttering lazily as she watched the wilting earth whiz by in shades of green. Walkers filled the backround noise, like crickets would, their growls fading as they sped past them. It was pathetic how the walkers just reached out, not even bothering to follow the trucks anymore. With their ankles rotted away or tangled in some scenic mess from the jungle around them, walkers were slowly becoming less dangerous, unless there was a bunch in a herd, riled up and hungry.

Negan didn't say anything when the truck lolled to a stop just past the gates. He got out of the passenger's seat, slamming the door, not bothering to wait up for (Y/N). She hurried out and rushed to catch up to him, but stopped herself, figuring it best she doesn't try to walk next to him along the empty halls back to his room. She knew he would never hit her, but he was so close the other night. Then again, he was completely soaked, but still...she was still terrified that he might snap.

Trusting her gut, she stayed behind him, lingering a hallway behind him at most. She peeked around the corner of which he turned not too long ago, and she didn't see him. She stepped out into the middle of the hallway and began walking quietly, trying not to make too much noise in her, his, over-sized boots. When she took a step, it flattened out, and her achilles hit against the neck of the shoe. But, when she picked up her foot, the weight shifted the boot and caused her toes to jam at the front. It was quite annoyong.

She dragged a hand against the wall as she walked, rounding the next corner. She stopped in her tracks. Where did he go?

Someone caught her around the waist, catching her completely off-guard. They scared her more than she wanted to admit, and her fight or flight response kicked in. She elbowed whoever grabbed her in the stomach. They didn't loosen their grip for a second, but she heard a familiar voice let out a pained groan. She managed to spin around in hs arms to be face-to-face with Negan, their faces an inch apart at most.

His expression was slightly pained, his eyebrows pressed down, his forehead wrinkled, but a smile was on his face. It quickly dropped, as if he was glad to see her, but then he remembered what she did. She would have killed him if he got the chance. And he would never forget that.

Slowly, his grip loosened on her waist, and he let go of her after a minute. She stood in front of him silently in the hallway, her eyes on his boots. "We don't have to talk about that."

"I think we do."

She turned around to walk away, but he grabbed her wrist. His grip seemed personal. "Why?" He asked, his voice almost breaking. Was he hurt? Was he actually hurt? Over what? The fact that she would have taken her moment and killed the bastard? Surely not.

"Why what?" She asked in a calm voice, swallowing hard.

"Why did you have that knife?" He asked, his voice trailing off. Her eyes found his, and she could see a slight tint of tears, but he blinked, and it was gone, and a stupid smile spread across his face. He tilted his head slightly to the right. "Go on, I'm waiting."

"I think you already know the answer."

"Enlighten me once more, why don't you?"

She chuckled breathlessly, shaking her head and looking down. She slowly took a step towards him and leaned in close on her tippy-toes, so that her lips were level with his ear. "I was going to fucking kill you in front of everyone, you arrogant prick."

He pulled back his head, but stood his ground, face to face with her. He chuckled, then took a step back and leaned against the wall, crossing his arms. His eyes were still locked onto hers, and a smile was still plastered on his face. "Do you realize what would have happend if you did that, you stupid bitch? Did you stop and think five seconds ahead?"

She had to admit, it would have been really fucking stupid. Being half-drunk on the way there, (Y/N) didn't have much time to calculate everything. All she knew was that she wanted to prove herself to her father, and show him that she wasn't someone to be fucked with, espically by the likes of Negan. That no one could just have her when she wanted, and what she wanted was to kill him. For herself, for her father, for everyone, and Abraham and Glenn, more than anyone.

"No, but-"

"Shut up, I'm talking." He said in a dominant tone, yet he stopped talking and paused, looking past her.

"Negan, you killed my friends. I don't know what you think we are and what you expect of me, but if I ever get the chance to, I'll fucking kill you without a second thought." Her words were harsh and blunt.

"I thought we had something, (Y/N)."

Her heart fluttered and she felt light for a second. What did he mean?

"What did you think we had?" She asked in a softer tone.

"Something." He answered. He shook his head, his emotions melting away and he put on his natural mask of a smile. "It doesn't matter anymore. This whole little outburst is the cherry on top that shows you can't be trusted."

She flinched slightly.

"Let me ask you something, (Y/N), something I've never asked you before because I was goin' easy on you." He said calmly. He pulled her wrists to him, spinning around, pinning her against the wall. She swallowed hard, but narrowed her eyes and let her eyebrows hang lowly.

"Who are you?"

She didn't speak for a second. She didn't know what to say. Should she lie, and tell him she's Negan to get her way? Should she be truthful? Where would any of this get her? It probably didn't matter what she said. He would probably toss her back in the box for a while.

She let out a breath and let her eyelashes flutter lazily until her eyes found his boots. She bit her lip softly.

"(Y/N.)"

"Wrong answer."

He spun on his heel, one of her wrists in his hand.

"You can stop dragging me. There's no point in resisting."

"Glad you see it that way, but I know you and your dumbass little tricks."

She didn't say anything for a moment. Pursing her lips together, she decided to break the silence as they neared her cell. She managed to pull her arm out of his grip and she stood, staring at him. He turned around, his eyes on her.

"...What did you think we were?"

He sighed, running a hand over his slicked hair.

"Something, (Y/N). I thought we could be something. Something more than any of my other wives. Like me and..."

She knew he was going to say Lucille, his first and only real wife. She bit her bottom lip, hoping he would go on. But he didn't.

"If you put me in there, I don't think we can ever be anything, Negan."

He paused before stepping forward to her, almost as if he was hesitant.

"Then I am sorry it's over, (Y/N)."

And with that, he pushed her into her cell, and gently closed the door behind her, locking it. She pressed her ear against the door, listening to his receeding foot steps. She let out a heavy sigh, tears welling in her eyes.

She slid down the door, nesting her face in between her arms as they wrapped close around her knees. She was finally alone. She had no one.

Not Negan, not Frankie or Sherry or Tanya, not even Daryl. No one but the darkness to accompany her. And so, she let out a sob.