What Have You Done? Negan X Reader

Part One: Chapter Twenty-Nine

"Get on your knees." He repeated, his hand slinking back from her hair and to his belt buckle, fumbling softly.

"W-What?" She mumbled, blinking hard to advoid the tears. She reached for his hand that propped itself between her thighs and tugged at it, but he only gripped her harder.

"Stop, you fucking freak! Get off me!" She yelled, breaking character and slinking away from his grip. Her body was tingly, in a good way, and she didn't want to admit she liked the way he touched her. She wanted more, but something in her brain masked that feeling and told her to get away from him.

He chuckled tiredly. "I knew you were playing." He said, sighing in satisfaction and leaned against the counter, his hands gripping the edge as he stared at her with a sly smile playing at his lips.

"Well, fuck, it would have worked if you weren't so goddamn annoying." She said with an irritated tone, pulling her sleeves back down over her shoulders.

He ran a hand through his hair, which was either covered in sweat or gel. Either way, it was tangled and gnarled as it grabbed at his fingers, so he had to rip them the rest of the way out. He bit his lip, his eyebrows pressing down as he closed his eyes, holding still. "Fuck, this shit is making my head hurt more. What are you even doing out here?" He rubbed his eyes before straightening up, waiting for her answer.

She stayed quiet for a moment, looking down and deciding what to say, how she could play this. "I wasn't kidding, you know. Alexandria doesn't feel like home anymore. Rick's my dad, but," She swallowed hard, wiping the sweat that beaded her forehead, "the Sanctuary is where I belong, and he'll just have to accept that."

"And Carl?"

"What about him?"

"Exactly, (Y/N). What about him?" He asked in a slow motion, stepping up to her, leaning down to her level. "Some holes in your story, I see."

"Shut the hell up and have some goddamn faith. I'm giving you my word. Everyone at Alexandria - they aren't the same. They don't treat me the same. It was never really home to begin with. The Sanctuary feels like the place I belong." She found his eyes, dipping her chin down slightly so that she was looking through her lashes at him. Her eyes switched between his eyes until he shrugged.

"I guess I can play along. That is, until you give me a reason not to." He said, a yawn following as he headed to the door. "You coming?" He asked, stopping at the door and looked back at her.

She nodded, giving him a smile and headed to the door as well. He lifted the shutters and opened the door for her, then she waited for him and he lead the way back to the trucks.

~
"Damn." Simon said as the car sputtered.

"Out of gas?" Negan asked from the passenger's seat, looking out the window.

"Yeah." Simon replied, honking the horn to signal the trucks in front of them to stop.

Negan sighed heavily, rubbing his temples. "Alright. Make camp here for the night, the boys will head out, find gas first thing tomorrow morning." He unbuckled his seat belt and opened the door, not waiting for Simon's reply. (Y/N) did the same following Negan out of the truck. He strode up the row of trucks, informing others of the plan. She stood around as Saviors began to unload the trucks, pulling sleeping bags and tents, and they set up a preimeter on the road with the trucks, making a big square, blocking themselves in.

~
Night fell pretty fast, and (Y/N) found herself yawning as she sat around the campfire with some random people she didn't know the names of. Dwight sat across the flame, his eyes darting to her every few seconds. She finally couldn't take it, and so she stood up and began walking away in a random direction. She found Simon in the sea of tents and made her way to him, her arms crossed over her bare skin, shivering. "Where's Negan?" She asked with her teeth chattering.

"Who cares, find him yourself." He said, turning away from her with a shotgun in his arms. She rolled her eyes, flipping him off before scowering the small camp for him. She eventually found him, throwing his head back and laughing like a teenager. He slapped the mans shoulder before turning away and headed inside the back of a van. She hurried after him, shivering from the autumn breeze. The withering grass crunched beneath her feet as the orange and brown leaves blew by her in the wind.

She jumped inside the back of the van, her boots hitting something soft. A matress, all for Negan, of course. He was sprawled across it on his stomach, still in all his clothes with his arm hanging off the edge and his eyes closed, laying on layers of blankets and pillows. She stood there for a moment, looking at the way his hair brushed over his face. She smiled.

Someone behind her shut the van door, making her jump as the darkness engulfed them. She pressed her back against the wall as Negan flicked on a lantern nearby lazily. He groaned as he rolled onto his back, his eyes open in small slits to look at her. She sniffled and she rubbed her arms and bent down, pulling her shoes off before laying down on the matress, nudging him to the side. A small moan escaped his lips as he pushed her back. "Fucking move, you're taking up the entire matress."

"I never told you to come in here." He mumbled, rubbing his eyes and propping himself up on his elbows. She ignored this and yanked at the blankets he was laying on until he rolled off of them enough for her to completely yank it out from under him and bury herself deep inside them. Pulling the blankets up to her neck, she turned her back to him and sniffled.

"It's cold." She noted to him, curling her legs close to her body as her teeth still slightly chattered and she felt her cold fingertips touching her forearms. She felt another set of fingertips around her body, but these ones were warmer. She felt something sturdy press against her back. She turned around onto her other side, now face to face with Negan, who beamed at her.

"You said it was cold." He said with a yawn following, at which he nuzzled down onto the pillows and closed his eyes. (Y/N) gave a small scoff with a smile as she inched closer to him, her head tucked neatly under his chin. She closed her eyes as well, letting herself drift away to a simpiler place. A reality in which did not exist.

Her dreams.

~
The morning sun rose, but that was no matter in the van, which remained dark and eerie. Although there was no panels between the front seats and the back of the truck, sunlight hardly shone in through the tinted windows and onto the seats, much less onto the two who slept entangled with each other. Negan awoke first, his body used to waking up early. (Y/N) was in his arms, and he didn't want to move to disturb her.

He knew what she was doing, he wasn't stupid. He didn't trust her and he knew she would eventually try to kill him, and if she succeeded...

No, she wouldn't. Negan decided that he wouldn't stay attatched to her so that if the time came, he would cut her loose. He had to eventually, and he knew it. But, that doesn't mean he wanted to. He wished he could just stay like this forever, the strange feeling in his stomach when (Y/N) touched him. He wished time could freeze and they could just cuddle for the rest of time. He wished she could love him freely without pain and guilt. But, after all that's happened, he knew that she could never fall in love with him. If he could go back and do it all again?

...
He'd've killed her sooner.

Because if he had, nothing would be holding him back. Attatchments were a waste of time. They got you hurt. They got you killed.

And Negan was so deeply and helplessly head over heels for this girl who slept peacefully in his arms, and she could never know that. No matter what, Negan could never tell her that. Because that would fuck everything up.