Juggling (Book Two)

Be Tom Hiddleston Again

It is the next afternoon and Tom awakes from his alcohol induced sleep hazily with a pounding sensation in his head. Everything hurts. He rubs his eyes with the palms of his hands as his sits up in his bed without Benedict beside him. He feels sick, guilty and sad all at the same time which brings a huge sense of defeat but he soldiers on. He climbs out of bed while rubbing his temple and heads straight to the kitchen where he can hear the radio. He walks in and sees his fiancé reading through a script with a mug of tea and the radio playing gently in the background. “Hi.” He croaks awkwardly and Ben looks up from his papers. He displays a sad smile as Tom takes a seat opposite him. Already positioned on the table in Tom’s place is a glass of water and two painkillers as well as another capsule. Tom’s old antidepressant medicine. Tom takes all the tablets without another thought and gulps down the water like he has been in desert for months without. “Where’s Emmy?” Tom asks when he realises that his baby is nowhere to be seen.

“With Elli and Nate; she has been all night.” Benedict speaks for the first time and his voice sounds gravelly and sore. “I didn’t think you would want her to see you like that…” His voice becomes high pitched and breaks at the end and he has to engulf a sniffle. Benedict’s eyes begin to well up with tears while he continues his explanation. “It was Lauren and Stephanie’s idea last night…I thought it would be best that way…Emmeline wouldn’t have wanted to see her dad or hear him like that…” A tear cascades and slides down his cheek before falling of his face and onto the script that he is in the process of reading, smudging the black ink.

“Ben I am so sorry.” Tom apologises before he places his hand on his partner’s in a comforting fashion. “I don’t know what I was thinking…I love you. I will always love you.” Ben looks away at the side of the room not being able to look Tom straight in the eye making Tom sigh. “And I will get help.” Benedict snaps his eyes forward to Tom’s in relief but searching if the old Tom is still in there somewhere. He knows he is. It will just be a task finding it.

There is a brisk knock at the door which Benedict has learned to be Lauren’s knock so he shouts, “Its open!” This is followed by the door being swung open and the two girls waltzing in with a look of determination on their faces. “What do we owe this pleasure?” He asks with a weak grin.

“Ben could you come help me with something?” Stephanie asks with a tone of mischief. Ben – not bothering to inquire further – rises to his feet and begins to follow the young woman out of the apartment. Before he leaves he turns to Lauren and she nods hinting that she will stay with Tom so he leaves the apartment and Lauren takes a seat next to Tom.

“He was scared last night.” She whispers to him and he nods sadly as he recollects his thoughts.

“Of me?” He questions but Lauren shakes her head.

“No.” She confirms, “He was scared of what was happening to you.” The pair sit in silence for a few minutes until Lauren gains the courage to say the real reason why she has visited. “Tom…you have a boyfriend well fiancé who loves you so much. You have a child who is the most beautiful little thing on the planet. You have friends who love and care about you. You have a lovely home with wonderful facilities. And you have what some would say is the best job on the planet. Please appreciate those things, do not throw them away because of one person.”

Tom nods slowly as he takes this all in. “It is difficult though Lauren. Darren is-”

“I wasn’t talking about Darren!” Lauren exclaims in frustration, “I am talking about you.” Tom runs his hand through his hair to untangle his locks with a large exhale. He hasn’t thought about it like this.

“What do I do Lauren?” He seeks her guidance and she gives him a warm smile.

“Be Tom Hiddleston again.” She simply states.

A/n thoughts? Things are going to get happier I promise. Please give me suggestions by DM of some fluffy daddy!hiddlesbatch chapters