21 ) Leave Before You Love Me

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if you wake up, alone in the dark, i'm sorry, gotta leave before you love me

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if you wake up, alone in the dark, i'm sorry, gotta leave before you love me.

if you wake up, alone in the dark, i'm sorry, gotta leave before you love me

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

Step by step, I make my way to Rena's room. Thoughts on top of thoughts on top of thoughts seem to dig through my head, clouding my vision as I leave my feet to guide me. I feel like a sinner, although it's quite evident that I am. The colors start to fade, my eyesight shaky as I can only rely on my heart not to give up yet. I was in the wrong, I had always been in the wrong.

Could I have ever reversed it to become right?

I'm already outside her door. I can't see her through the pale gray window, and I give myself a second to muster up the courage to enter. 

I had done enough damage holding her doorknob. I had let her cry too many tears to beg for her forgiveness. Had Sunghoon hyung always been right? Had I never been able to understand what it was like... to be less than? Is that why he sympathized with Rena because the pain he felt was what came from someone else's legacy? Have I always been... an antagonist?

I can't forgive myself for what I've become. I can't reverse roles that should've been reversed, nor give up the power that was given to me unbeknownst of my heart. However, I can forget what it was like to love, care, to forgive, just like I did a long time ago. Nobody deserved this change of mine, because ever since I changed, everything seemed to falter. I don't mean to blame myself, but what can I do?

I had already lost someone who had the heart to care. What else is there for me to give?

I'd be playing a sinner today. I'd be lying straight through my eyes, protecting her from more pain than I may cause. Today is the day we break up, sent by the message of messengers in heaven that love ceases to exist. Romance has always been tinted a pretty color, and, I was a stained tint. I was undeserving of it. 

The damage on the doorknob continues as I twist it. My steps are full of lies as I drag towards her sobbing silhouette. I can barely contain myself with the tears that fall from my eyes. I feel as if I'm dancing on the edge of a cliff, ready to throw myself down there as she watches. "I'm sorry."

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