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29 ) A December Confession

i don't want to give up on her.
[filler chapter, apologies that it's short]

"My God, open a window!" She laughs, causing me to laugh as well. "It's so hot in the hospital during winter, that I want to get up and stand by the window. It's so hard. Anyway, it's Christmas eve!"

Time had passed happily. Though I may not have been too happy watching her suffer, she was happy. That was what mattered. Rena still smiled, even without the moon. She still smiled without someone to make her smile. "Yeah, Merry Christmas!"

"Stop! It's not time to say that yet," Rena scolds me, looking at me. The doctors had raised her bed just enough to be able to see the room. It was more of a chair position, and so now, I didn't have to lean over just to see her beautiful eyes. "Anyway, you have a Christmas eve task for me. I think this shall be the last one for December. January is going to be action-packed!"

"You scare me when you say it like that," I cross my arms, folding over some of my clothes. I had decided to stay with Rena this whole Christmas, considering that I had no one else to spend it with. My parents are spending it by themselves, Sunghoon's spending it with Jaeyun... I had Rena always. I can't let her have a Christmas alone. "Anyway, what's my Christmas task? You seem excited today."

"I am," Rena gives me a smirk, beckoning to the door. "Go get Chenhan."

I blink, remembering what Chenhan had told me the day Rena got into the accident.

"Don't worry, you can stay with her until the end of January. Mother is on a business trip until February, and well, Father... yeah. I encourage you to stay with her always... because I don't think I can."

"Why?"

"I... can't do it, busy, perhaps," She chuckles awkwardly, bowing. "Then... enjoy your time with her. Please... tell me if she's okay."

Licking my lips, Rena furrows her eyebrows. "Why are you looking at me like that!? Go do it," She frowns. "Either you talk to her and give her my present, or bring her here."

"I'll bring your gift for her there."

"Okay," Rena slowly nods, eyes shining. "I know she's been dodging me. I know it well enough that she's going to miss this opportunity."

"It's up to her, Rena, we can't get mad at her," I sigh. Rena shakes her head just a bit, frowning. "I know you want to spend time with your sister. Everyone wants to spend time with their family on Christmas-"

"You don't," She interrupts. I pause, gazing away. My eyes land on the door, the red and green lights shimmering from the wall. "You don't like your parents. I don't like one of my parents. Why must it be everyone?"

"Because at one point, we all did. Even for a brief moment, we wanted to see them all giddy and expectant of presents," Rena doesn't respond. "But, at least we're happy, right? I feel like we've been so tension-filled, we should at least have this much happiness."

"You're right," Rena ignores my words. I know she did because she removes her gaze from me. "Alright, I won't bug you about it. Go talk to my sister."

"Okay, I'll be back," Her eyes crinkle happily, and internally, she's waving at me. I have the picture stuck in my mind so that when she greets me, she's waving. I walk down the hall, possibly jogging. Most of her tasks were doing her chores, but this one was new. When Rena says action-packed, I have a feeling that it was more than that. I knock on Chenhan's office door, hearing her hum with approval. "Merry Christmas Eve, Chenhan."

She looks away from her computer, pushing down her glasses briefly. Chenhan eyes my body then the gift. "You too," She says, pushing them back up. "Come sit. We can have a brief chat. Is that from Rena?"

"Yeah, she made me go get it," I chuckle, causing Chenhan to smile as well. Chenhan must be busy. "How... are you? This is the first time I've seen you in your office. You're usually running around because it's the holidays."

"I'm doing the normal feelings, worse since the accident. However, average as always," She rants. "Rena's doing just fine, right? No meltdowns, no surgeries?"

"Nothing of the sort. Recently, she's been happier than she used to be. Maybe she's taking her time to enjoy all the things she has left," I place the gift on the white desk, sliding it over to her. "She wanted me to bring you to her room, but I had a feeling you'd break down in front of her. So, I wanted to protect your image."

Chenhan laughs a bit, nodding. "Thank you, Jungwon."

It's silent for a minute, mainly because she chooses not to open the gift yet. I don't want her to open it in front of me. Though I have seen it once, I doubt she'd want me to see it twice. "Jungwon, I have something to tell you," and as we meet eyes, I know it's what she had wanted to tell me since the day I went back to Rena. "I... liked you."

I nod, unable to look her in the eye anymore. "I was aware."

Her eyes widen in shock, even for a second. However, clearing her throat, Chenhan faces the computer again to hide it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, especially after all the times I had to deny it to Rena. She made me think about the possibility of it... but I couldn't do it. I could never confess because you're so much younger than me," She clears her throat. "I don't have those feelings for you anymore. I wasn't going to tell you, I never planned on it."

I let her continue, possibly because she needed someone to tell. "It's wrong. It's so wrong. I feel horrible for liking my sister's boyfriend, for liking you of all possibilities," She rubs her forehead in frustration. "I found comfort in you that I couldn't find in anyone else. Rena had been hospitalized at a young age, my mother and father always were quarreling... then, I met you. All you ever did was look with those eyes of yours. I set you and my sister up, but why did I become attracted to you?"

"I wouldn't say you liked me, then," I pat her arm, nodding. She looks down at our skinship, then proceeds to gaze back up. "Infatuation, Chenhan. You were infatuated with me because I brought you comfort. You had mistaken it for adoration."

"You're probably right, but I just feel horrible," She sighs. "God... I must've ruined a good, happy day, right?"

"No, not at all. I'm glad you told me. Maybe that's why... Rena told me to talk to you or bring you there. She probably knew."

"She always knows. Rena knows everything," Chenhan nods. "I remember a time when we were little, I stole mother's money to buy a new bike. She was at the hospital, but when I came back, Rena was like "Where's the change? Could you buy me a lollipop?" I cried about it later on."

We laugh together over Rena's direct conversation starter, smiling brightly. "Oh, also..."

Chenhan trails on to talk about Rena, about a younger Rena. I allow her to talk and talk, removing all the negative feelings she had about the present. I know that inside, her care for her sister exceeded my care for her. I know inside, Chenhan isolated herself to not hurt anyone anymore, just like I used to do.

But, she's happy.

And I think... that's great.

Even if it's only temporary, at least once, she forgives herself for what has happened before.

After Christmas, it is the last month before Rena dies- before she leaves this world and moves on. Chenhan will mourn, isolate herself again and again.

But she's happy now. At least, for now.