"Masturbate while running from a dog"

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Standing in between the two women and Ace, I did the only thing a sensible person would do

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Standing in between the two women and Ace, I did the only thing a sensible person would do. 

I started using sign language. 

I used my fingers to point towards the lady and then cross my hands to show that the waitress didn't do it. Then I pointed towards me and gave a thumbs up to show that I was responsible for the mess. Then I used my hands to act like I am beating someone then I pointed towards the waitress and then crossed my hands again to say that don't scold the waitress for my mistake. I was in the middle of my sign communication when fits of laughter filled the hall we were standing in. I stopped myself and turned my attention to my surroundings only to notice that everyone around me was laughing. Except for the rich lady and Ace.

Ace was familiar with my nonsensical actions and thereby was showing no surprise on my idiotic behavior.

On the other hand the rich lady was too busy looking skeptically at me that laughing didn't occur to her as the first reaction to my sign language.

Meanwhile I was now burning red with the embarrassment I was facing. 

"sei pazzo?" The rich lady again said. (are you crazy?)

"Why the heck can't you understand that I do not understand the strange language you are speaking!?" I yelled at her, now losing my patience.

But my outburst seem to go ununderstood, as expected, but the lady seemed to get angrier than she was earlier. Did she understand what I just said?

At that moment only, the waitress who was quiet till now decided to speak as she said- 

"questa era colpa di quella donna. mi scuso davvero per il disordine." And then pointed towards me. (This was that woman's fault. I really apologize for the mess.)

Oh fuck. Which language on the earth is this? God help me. 

But she was pointing towards me, which meant that she was telling her that I was responsible for this. Thank God, now this strange-language-speaking rich lady will not scold the waitress and then-o ohh oh. No..

And then -

Oh fuck.

Now this lady will torment me. Why is my brain a fricking tubelight.?

I slapped my head with my hand as the rich lady turned towards me. There she goes.

"sei cieco o cosa? come può qualcuno creare un disastro così raccapricciante?" She said in rapid speed. (are you blind or what? how can someone create such a gruesome mess?)

She seemed to be questioning me. But I could not understand a single word except for something which sounded like disaster. Was she really asking me something?

"l'hai fatto di proposito?" She asked again with hint of aggression and more force. (did you do it on purpose?)

I have to answer or else she will blow my hand with her thick strong hands and then feed my beheaded body to the crows while my head will be thrown into a dumpster by her because she Clearly thinks that my brain is filled with garbage.

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