Wildflowers |h.s|

thirty four

Devon - Three months later

Twenty Seven.

One year since I met Harry, and the millionth time I've thought about him in this new year. We haven't seen each other since New Year's Eve, but I think that's for the best. I can't imagine having a conversation with him after everything played out the way it did. We're over for good, and honestly, it's a weight off my back.

He needed help. Help that I couldn't give him. It wasn't healthy for me to be in that relationship anymore, and I really am glad that I don't have to put myself through that heartache anymore. But I do miss the girls, and I hope they're doing okay. Oakley's two already, Annika turns five soon, and Harry's birthday passed last month.

I tried to at least text him to wish him a happy birthday and tell him I hope he's doing well, but he didn't reply. But he unblocked my number, which was surprising.

I think this year I'm going to stick to small goals. Like getting a new job, and maybe renting a better apartment. Nothing too crazy, and I'm definitely focusing on just myself and not looking to get into a relationship. The end of the relationship with Harry definitely killed my confidence a bit, and I want to get better for myself. I want to get back to confident, strong Dev.

Getting up from my desk, I walk over to the break room, running a hand through my hair as I push any and every thought from my mind. Working on my birthday, not the best but also better than spending the day wallowing in my apartment alone.

Tomorrow night is my birthday party, but it's supposed to be a surprise party. Arden wanted to do something fun for me, and I'm not supposed to know but that girl can't keep a secret for her life. I'll act surprised for her, I just know that the one person that I really want to be there won't be.

"Hey Dev." Alex smiles, and I look up.

"Oh hey." I smile back, holding my refillable coffee cup closer to me.

"You look great today, perfect for a birthday girl." He compliments.

I shake my head with a smile, "Oh please, don't remind me." He chuckles, moving out of the way so we could talk without interrupting the hallway.

I'll admit that I've turned to Alex when I'm feeling lonely. Not for sex or to be in a relationship, but he's there and he listens to me and is really sweet. We kissed once, and it felt wrong, but it's not like Harry cares about me anyway. I'm dead to him.

Alex has been there for me, no questions asked. He doesn't hold a grudge against me for how Harry was hostile toward him, he doesn't pry for details on why things ended, he just lets me be. And I needed that.

"Any plans for tomorrow?" he asks, smiling. I roll my eyes, shaking my head, "This is the part when I say, nope no plans, right?"

"Ah, so you found out?" I nod, and he chuckles, "Well, I guess that's fine. Now you can dress nice and look pretty for all your birthday pictures."

I smirk a bit, "Oh, so I don't look pretty or dress nice?"

He shakes his head, leaning down slightly. "Oh you always look pretty and you dress phenomenally." Without thinking, I lean up, pressing my lips to his quickly. This isn't a relationship, this is just a weird casual, friends thing. He knows I'm not ready for a full blown relationship.

We kiss for a second, and even though it feels wrong, I smile up at him. "See you at the party?" I ask, and of course he nods. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Against my better judgement, I peck his lips one more time and smile before turning to walk to the break room again. It all just feels wrong, but maybe I'm just in my head about all of this. Once I'm over Harry, this won't feel wrong anymore.