~Calum
The moment my eyes open, I can already feel the pressure and stress return into my system.
Ashton, Michael, and I ended up spending the night at Luke's house since we were all too exhausted to go back to our own.
The families welcomed us back with an amazing dinner party and it felt really good being back, surrounded by the people we love most.
It was definitely a nice distraction from the urge I feel creeping through my veins. But that's over now, and I'm back to the real world.
With a groan, I push myself up and out of Luke's bed, careful not to step on Ashton and Michael who were sleeping on the air mattress, as I make my way out of the room.
When we were leaving the airport, there was a plethora of fans and flashing lights from paparazzi that overwhelmed me. You would think by now that I would be used to this from the many years I've been in this career, but I'm not.
It reminded me that there are many downsides to doing this and that others handle it better than I can.
I am constantly putting on a mask, sucking it up and placing a smile on my face for the fans that do so much for us. It's not their fault that it tiggers my anxiety, they're just being supportive, thats what a fan is.
As we finished up greeting as many fans as we could, we exited the airport and were immediately met with middle aged men, hauling large cameras in our faces, begging us for a reaction so that they could have a made up storyline for their next magazine.
Another thing that stresses me out and causes me to feel these urges; rumors and lies about me or my band.
"Cal you okay?" I hear a groggy Michael ask from the doorway of Luke's bedroom.
I hadn't even noticed that I'd been pacing, "Fine." I say trying to be as convincing as possible. "Sorry for pacing, I've just got a lot on my mind."
"You always do Cal." He says sighing and seeming to wake up a little more. "Just try and chill out for a bit. Stop thinking so much."
"If only it were that easy." I say shaking my head.
It's not a secret to my band or Paige that I deal with anxiety and overthinking, which is why I feel somewhat comfortable talking about it with them.
They have grown accustomed to it and it makes me feel guilty. They shouldn't have to worry about me all the time. I can handle myself.
"Its 5 in the morning Calum." He says checking his phone for the time. "Try to get some sleep, we have a show today." He turns around and goes back to sleep on the mattress, leaving me in the dark hallway.
My cigarettes are at home and there is no way I can get there this late at night without a car. I'll try to sleep now, but once we get to the venue I'm going outside and satisfying my urges.
Paige is gonna be so mad at me.
—
"We're here!" Paige says as her and Vanessa enter the backstage area. They look fantastic in their outfits. Their hair, makeup, and clothes match the vibe of our tour, and I know they went full out tonight since we're home.
It's a special night and I need it to go perfectly. I just need to make sure that no one catches me outside when I go for round two.
"Wow!" Ashton says clapping his hands together. "You guys look amazing."
"They're gonna outshine us." Luke adds on.
"Oh stop it," Vanessa waves them off. "You guys are the real stars of the show. We're just the pretty fans in the front row."
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Ghost Of You | cth
Fanfiction"Promise me you'll be fine?" She said as the two of held onto each other's hands for dear life. "I'll be just fine." I said kissing her hand and reassured her through my tears.
