~Calum
My heart has never beat so hard in my entire life.
Paige has been in the bathroom for what feels like fucking forever and I can't take it anymore. I shakily walk back down the aisle and into my seat next to Ashton.
I had no idea Paige had gotten up to use the bathroom at the same time as me, and it was stupid of me to keep my head down while walking, inevitably making me bump into her.
This whole situation is fucking ridiculous and it's gotten to the point of scaring me.
The plane lands in a few hours and there's no use in falling back asleep, now that our collision has made me wide awake.
My hoodie is still up and over my head, blocking out anyone around me in a way.
I feel more disappointed in myself than angry at this all. I'm her best friend and instead of being happy for her like everyone else, I lashed out at her for not choosing me.
In a way, I have an excuse for feeling as hurt as I still do, but she deserves to do things for herself too.
Almost everything she's ever done has been for me and this band. Paige is a selfless person, always has been.
Which is why I need to fix this. I just don't know how.
I hate everything going on inside my mind right now, and I wish it would all go away. My best friends are hardly speaking to me, I have no way of navigating around this problem. Tour is supposed to be a good experience, but for the most part it's been anything but.
If we weren't on a plane at the moment, I would be outside, far away from everything and everyone, alone with my thoughts and a cigarette between my lips.
Because as much as I care about what Paige shared with me, I deserve to do things for myself too.
Ashton's asleep in the seat next to me, leaving me no choice but to sit in silence for the next few hours.
I connect my headphones to my phone before placing them over my ears. Paige finally exits the bathroom and keeps her eyes up to avoid making eye contact with me.
To avoid making the rash decision of walking up to her seat and speaking my mind, I turn on my music and settle into my seat.
This can't happen, not now at least.
Deciding to just forget about the world right now, I close my eyes and tune into the music playing.
If I have no one by my side right now, at least I have music to get me through it.
—
We landed in Chicago five hours ago. By the time we got here it was already the afternoon, and since today is our only day off before back to back shows, everyone decided to go out.
Except for me.
I sit on my hotel bed, minding my own business to give everyone else their space to get ready. Our door is wide open to allow anyone entrance if they need help.
The only person who hasn't come into the room for something is Paige.
Standing in front of my bed is Vanessa applying last minute touches to Luke's eyeshadow. As much as I am happy for them, I envy what they have.
It makes me wonder if I even deserve what they have.
Seeing that Paige hasn't been anywhere near our room, I get the feeling that something isn't right. If she too was going out with the group, wouldn't they be in the other room getting ready together?
YOU ARE READING
Ghost Of You | cth
Fanfiction"Promise me you'll be fine?" She said as the two of held onto each other's hands for dear life. "I'll be just fine." I said kissing her hand and reassured her through my tears.
