Ghost Of You | cth

14. Sugar Coated Brain

~Paige

I could answer this question in two ways.

The logical answer would be to say no. Absolutely not. Without a doubt, no.

For some reason though, this doesn't appall me entirely. Maybe it's because my mind is occupied with a million different things and I can't think straight. Or maybe its because I've been waiting for something to distract me and force my brain to calm down.

I decide to go with the second answer, "I'm not exactly against marijuana. It just depends on how I would take it. Why?"

Ashton and Calum share a look of relief, as if they'd been conspiring the effects this drug would have on me for a long time.

Vanessa just stares at me in shock, like I'd sucked all possible words out of her mouth.

"Personally, it helps me a lot when it comes to dealing with stress and anxiety. I thought it might be a good thing for you try out." Ashton says.

I'm not sure why I didn't say no the moment this question was asked. I'm astonished that my brain isn't racing with questions or what ifs. Instead, it's welcoming the idea of letting marijuana take control over my mind and bringing me the peace I have been craving.

"I wouldn't wanna smoke it though." I clarify, still not giving him a definite answer of whether or not I'm all for this yet.

He nods his head, "There are other forms I could get you."

I've never had a conversation quite like this before. Growing up I'd always stayed away from drugs and alcohol because of what it can do to a person if they become addicted and rely on the substance to function.

In all honesty, it has always scared me the way a substance can change your psychological overview and make you feel like a different person. I should be especially scared because of how marijuana is one of the top three highly addictive drugs and the fact that once I start, I may never be able to stop.

"Like what?" I ask completely clueless on how any of this stuff works.

I'm not looking at him, but I can feel Calum's cautious watch on me. This may have been his and Ashton's idea but I get the feeling now that I'm leaning more towards actually taking the marijuana, it might be freaking Calum out.

"Gummy edibles. We could store them in a vitamin bottle and you could use them whenever you need."

That doesn't sound bad at all.

Except for one thing, marijuana can either have a positive or negative effect when you're on other medications, and there's no way to tell what will happen unless you try it.

I way my options for a minute longer feeling Ashton, Calum, and Vanessa's waiting stares. As much as I care about how my friends would feel, this is about me being able to function without having a break down.

Life is short. Might as well live it stress free.

"I'm in."

—

I'm wearing sunglasses indoors. I'm not exactly sure why, but when I ate the edible, Ashton ushered me to cover my eyes before leaving the room.